Election season is over, and we have a new president of the United States, Donald Trump, and yet the bitching and whining on both sides has just begun. Over the past weekend, we saw a celebrity-filled women’s’ march protest of the 45th President of the United States, lots of whining on television, and Shia LaBeouf open a live stream he vows will last the entire four (or eight) years of President Trump’s reign. And while I supported and support Donald Trump and am a fan of many of the policies that seem to be infuriating the Snowflake Society, there are celebrities on the other side as well that just don’t seem to shut up.
Whether you lean left of lean right there’s probably a part of your mind that believes these celebrities actually care about you however nothing could be further from the truth. Make no mistake: every one of these celebrities has an agenda and they’d eat you and each other to be the one that comes out on top in this whole situation.
First off, one thing is apparent in this era of the Internet and instant gratification: mindless celebrity worship is at a fever pitch. With social media providing an instant outlet for everyone, it’s amazing and sad and pathetic how there are people who will tweet to Justin Bieber all day hoping he replies to one of their tweets. Is this what we do with our lives now? We whore ourselves to rich people who are on television for likes, retweets, and followers? What’s the point? To quote the movie A Bronx Tale, “Mickey Mantle? That's what you're upset about? Mantle makes $100,000 a year. How much does your father make? If your father can't pay the rent go ask Mickey Mantle and see what he tells you. Mickey Mantle don't care about you. Why should you care about him? Nobody cares.”
It's one of the most brilliant lines of the movie and whether you agree with or disagree with what celebrities say on issues you care about at the end of the day they don’t give a shit near as much as you think they do. It’s a ploy to garner support. In this way, celebrities are no different than the politicians they whine about, and maybe it’s why they seem to care about politics so much these days because it’s all the same game. Let’s look at some of the players in the past few weeks in this election:
Madonna made headlines at the women’s march after a few hypocritical speeches and performances saying she felt like blowing up the white house, and a lot of “fuck Trump, fuck you if you voted for him,” followed by “we all need to stand together and show love for one another.” Her words contradict each other entirely. “If you voted for Trump, I hate you, but I think we should love everyone (except you because you voted for Trump).” Okay, Madonna. Who let this woman out of the old folks’ home to come out here and protest? What orderly at Shaky Acres isn’t doing their job?
I didn’t even know Madonna was still alive before she opened her snatch… err… I mean opened her mouth to whine about Donald Trump. Much like most volcanoes in Hawaii the woman has been inactive for as far back as I can remember. Did she do anything relevant to the music industry during the Obama administration at all? Not that I can think of. Then again, I am hetero so it’s not my business to care about Madonna’s existence to begin with.
I do however take issue with a woman that has used sex, and fucking, and “inappropriate” sexual conduct, including taking weird photos of her fucking dogs before it was cool for white chicks to do it on Twitter, and a woman who offered to prostitute herself by giving blowjobs for Hillary Clinton votes is sitting here saying she cares about women or exploitation of women or any of that kind of thing because she’s been letting people grab her by the pussy for centuries. Madonna was the first hoe, and it’s funny she takes issue with Donald Trump to the extent that she does but at the end of the day this is an old person trying to maintain relevance in a world that has forgotten about her. Think of the sixth Rocky film where Rocky Balboa is old and withered and has nothing left to live for so he decides to fight the heavyweight champion even though he’s like 65 years old. Madonna saw that movie a few weeks ago and decided to do the same thing.
To my knowledge this cow hasn’t done shit anyone even noticed since Ugly Betty. She was such a rabid pro-Clinton shill that she was among those who denounced Bernie Sanders to get it done. Keep that in mind if you were pro-Sanders that you have Ugly Betty to thank for some of the shit thrown at him. Let’s be honest here, if she somehow ended up on the wrong side of the Trump Wall nothing of value would be lost. We can only hope.
The other side of the political spectrum isn’t safe from criticism either for trying to use the election to be relevant. Scott Baio doesn’t even care about Scott Baio. He is the ultimate one hit wonder who has done nothing with his life. Scott starred in Charles In Charge, then a reality television show some years later about how the Guy from Charles In Charge is 40 and Single (gee I wonder why). Scott found being Pro-Trump could get people to talk about him again, something NOBODY did or does ever. Any time I see Scott Baio’s name on the front page of Breitbart I cringe knowing that somewhere Baio is on his laptop jerking off to his own name BEING in a headline. As a Pro-Trump guy, imagine my own disdain when the best we could muster AGAINST Hillary was Scott Baio. I’m glad at least a few celebrities who actually did shit that didn’t fail like Sylvester Stallone, Clint Eastwood, and Jon Voight were around to make up for it. Scott Baio on your side actually takes points away.
Ashley Judd was also at the women’s march and was proud to be a “nasty woman.” She has not aged well which concludes she is in fact a “nasty woman.” That is all.
...only made it on this list so I can haircut-shame her. Who the hell face-swapped her with Chris Evans and why?
Probably one of the biggest celebrity names to show stake in this election, Kanye West recently made headlines when he said that he did not vote but would have voted for Donald Trump. Kanye has been on shaky ground for a while – he’s famous but he’s always at risk of being “yesterday’s news.” He’s married Kim Kardashian, a family that is expert level on doing ANYTHING to keep people talking about them whether it’s Bruce Jenner transitioning to Caitlin Jenner, Kim taking random nudes on the Internet, or Kendal and Kylie Jenner essentially becoming camwhores in training. The average fan of the Kardashians can’t even type a coherent sentence and they tend to type things strictly in emoji. These people spend more time high or drunk than they do sober. Kanye saw a chance to market himself to these morons but frankly if all my biggest supporters were mentally retarded I’d try to throw my lot in with the other side of the coin too. Kanye made waves when he visited Donald Trump at Trump Tower and immediately everyone was talking about him including the following:
--black people who immediately labeled Kanye West a race traitor and an Uncle Tom
--white people trying to be hip.
--conservatives both black and white trying to make a point that finally a celebrity that WASN’T Scott Baio was on their side.
--Space Aliens. Somewhere Space Aliens are talking about Kanye West
In other words, Kanye West, love him or hate him knows how to market himself. He probably doesn’t care about any issues on either side of the coin but knew that simply saying the words “Donald Trump” will get everybody talking about you and no publicity is bad publicity. It’s brilliant but if you think Kanye cares about what you think you’re a moron. Kanye only cares about Kanye and he loves himself so much that if his dick could curl up behind him and reach his asshole he’d fuck himself every single day.
Shia LaBeouf enjoyed super stardom briefly after Michael Bay’s iteration of the Transformers franchise put LaBeouf into the limelight. Afterwards LaBeouf appeared in several high-profile films including the cringe-worthy Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull before turning himself into a Human Meme with videos yelling inspirational quotes at people and livestreaming himself watching every single one of his movies while constantly telling people he’s not famous anymore. Since fading into obscurity, LaBeouf typically acts like someone who never cured his Syphilis and went mad from it, which begs the question “what exactly is inside Megan Fox’s pussy?” LaBeouf has taken livestreams a step further by starting a four-year long protest livestream in New York City where he has continually chanted HE WILL NOT DIVIDE US and often snaps on and chants down Pro-Trump people who show up on the street in his stream.
Isn’t it a little bit too convenient that legitimate Nazis are showing up on the stream and yelling Nazi propaganda in retort at Shia LaBeouf? There’s a sucker born every minute and if you don’t believe that these people attacking LaBeouf are plants and frauds in the audience then you are that sucker. LaBeouf draws attention and strength from acting like an idiot in public. This stream is no different, and I don’t think it will even last two years. It’s intended purpose is to summon people to WITNESS SHIA LABEOUF. Make no mistake – this has nothing to do with Donald Trump and everything to do with a crazy guy who attempts to use reverse psychology (I’m Not Famous Anymore) to get MORE attention because he lacks the talent and ability to do anything else once people realized he’s just not a very good actor.
As of this writing LaBeouf has been arrested for snatching the scarf, shoving and scratching a Trump supporter… you know because assaulting someone totally gets them to see your point of view. Sounds pretty damn divided to me.
In closing my point is that the celebrities will fall on whatever side of the fence they think gets their names in the search engines and on social media more. Much like people flop between fan favorite and villain in professional wrestling don’t be surprised if their allegiances flip any time they think they can make more money and get more exposure by going over to the other side (or based on whatever their overpaid publicists tell them they should be doing). Looking for sincerity in causes from celebrities is stupid on a new level. If you think that your arguments with your own political opinions are made stronger because “That Chick Who Played Ugly Betty,” or “Kanye on the verge of a nervous breakdown” supported them, your arguments and your causes probably aren’t very sincere or strong to begin with. At the end of the day you need to think for yourself, not let a bunch of people who don’t pay your bills do your thinking for you, regardless of where they are or where you are on the political spectrum. Supergirl supported Hillary Clinton. That doesn’t make me support Hillary Clinton every time I jerk off to her. Be your own person. Don’t let the opinions of these people define you just because they were on TV or on an album you liked once.