Random Wrestling Review #4: WWF Insurrextion 2000

Hey, I'm alive! If you remember, I did a few of these Random Wrestling Reviews a few months back (which you can find here, here, and here). The next one was supposed to be Wrestlemania 9, but procrastination on my part and racism on Hulk Hogan's part set that one on the back burner for now. After a trip to randomppv.info, I will now be reviewing...

Ok. A UK show.  Those weren't terrible if I remember correctly. WWF had been doing UK-only shows for a few years at this point. Now, 17,000 people pack Earl's Court in London, England to see The Rock defend his newly-won WWF Championship against Triple H and Shane McMahon in a triple threat match. It's Insurrect... Insurrexct... Insurrecxt... screw it, just read the box.

We start off with a video package hyping the main event, The Rock defending the WWF Title against both Triple H and Shane McMahon. A decent ripoff of "Machinehead" by Bush brings us inside Earl's Court in London, England. Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler are on the call. This crowd is rabid, which is always a good sign.

Match #1: Too Cool (Scotty 2 Hotty and Grandmaster Sexay) vs. Perry Saturn and Dean Malenko

  • This should be good. Saturn, Malenko, and Scotty are great workers, and Sexay isn't that bad.
  • If you think about it, Grandmaster Sexay is a weird name.
  • Scotty hits a double Worm on both guys, and the crowd loves it.
  • Malenko and Saturn keep messing up, which allows Sexay to hit the Hip Hop Drop for the win.
  • After the match, Malenko and Saturn brawl. IS THIS THE END OF THE RADICALZ?

Winners: Too Cool - Nothing special, but the crowd was into it.

  • Backstage, Mae Young talks to The Kat about things. Three little girls play patticake in a boiler room or something. JUDGMENT DAY IS COMING. Oh, I get it, Judgment Day is the next PPV. Clever.
  • Vince McMahon comes out. He talks about how disappointed he was that The Rock won the WWF Title six days earlier at Backlash. He dumps on London, and says that every genius has a plan. His plan is to get the title back within the McMahon-Helmsley Regime, and that either Triple H or Shane will win. Decent Vince promo.

Match #2: Bull Buchanan vs. Kane w/ Paul Bearer

  • We see video of Bull and the Big Boss Man breaking Kane's hand the month before.
  • This crowd loves Kane. Won't be saying that anytime soon.
  • Bull is really athletic. He jumps from the floor to the top rope with ease, and later he hits a picture perfect scissor kick. 
  • That was quick. Bull goes for something off the top rope, but Kane catches him with a chokeslam for the win.

Winner: Kane - The best part of this match was King calling Paul Bearer a salad dodger.

  • Backstage, Triple H thinks Vince thinks that he will win. Stephanie isn't so sure.

Match #3: Road Dogg w/ Tori vs. Bradshaw w/ Faarooq

  • Oh god, Road Dogg in 2000. I'd bet dollars to donuts that he was fucked up beyond belief here.
  • Faarooq gets thrown out for beating up Road Dogg too. So many double letters. 
  • The crowd is more interested in playing with their airhorns and whistles. 
  • Bradshaw has the match won, but Tori interferes. A pumphandle slam wins it for Road Dogg.

Winner: Road DoggA nothing match. Don't really know what else to say there.

  • Backstage, Terri Runnels simulates fellatio on a banana. 
  • In ring, Jerry Lawler will be the emcee for the "arm-wrestling challenge" between The Kat and Terri. The Kat is with Mae Young (for some reason) and Terri is with Fabulous Moolah (for some reason). Terri keeps stalling and takes her pants off. Terri tries to cheat, but Mae helps Kat to win. Kat gets her top taken off and shows her tits to everyone. Unless you're trying to get your jerk on, you can skip this.
  • We see Rikishi and "Showkishi" walking backstage, and The Rock arriving.

Match #4: The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray and Devon) vs. The Big Show and Rikishi

  • A combined weight of 923 pounds. Christ those are some fat bastards.
  • Great, Big Show is wearing a modified version of Rikishi's gear. Because if there is one thing I ever needed to see, it's Big Show's big fat ass in a thong.
They never learn, do they? Sick bastards.

They never learn, do they? Sick bastards.

 

  • The crowd is playing with their horns again, because both of these teams are good guys if I'm not mistaken.
  • Double stinkface to the Dudleys. What's worse, taking a fat Samoan's ass to the face or working for TNA?
  • Edge and Christian run-in, Edge spears Bubba, and Show chokeslams him for the win.

Winners: The Big Show and RikishiYeah, that happened.

  • Too Cool comes out after, and everyone dances. DANCE EVERYONE, DANCE! What the hell is going on?
  • Olympic hero Kurt Angle walks around London, introducing himself to people as "Kurt Angle: Olympic Hero".
  • Chris Benoit's eye talks about being pissed off. Good god, his eye looks like it's rotting out of his head. 
An artist's depiction of Benoit's eye.

An artist's depiction of Benoit's eye.

Match #5: Kurt Angle: Olympic Hero vs. [REDACTED] w/ The Eye of Sauron

  • Kurt runs down the English, even after they said all those nice things about him.
  • Hardcore Champ Crash Holly comes out, and joins commentary. He says that he wants to challenge an Englishman.
  • Angle goes after Benoit's eye, and I'm not sure if that's the best idea. Benoit looks like he got bit by a zombie, and the infection is spreading. 
  • Suplexes aplenty here. 
  • I'm pretty sure both of these guys are bad guys. What is going on with the booking tonight?
  • Lot of working the eye. 
  • Kurt pokes Benoit in the eye, and hits the Olympic Slam for the win.

Winner: Kurt Angle - Not their best match, but still a good one.

  • Shane McMahon is sure that Vince thinks he was talking about him, and is sure that he will leave WWF Champion. DISSENSION
  • Oh no, A WILD BULLDOG APPEARS

Match #6: WWF Hardcore Championship - The British Bulldog vs. Crash Holly (c)

  • Bulldog hits the running powerslam on two pool cues, and wins the title in his home country.

Winner: British Bulldog to become Hardcore ChampionGood for Bulldog, I guess.

  • Edge and Christian charge a kid for an autograph, bump a guy out of a picture, and say that they'll beat the Hardy Boys.

Match #7: WWF Tag Team Championship - The Hardy Boyz (Matt and Jeff) vs. Edge and Christian (c)

  • This is not as fast as I've seen these guys go, they can do better.
  • JR keeps getting everyone confused with each other. Calling Matt Hardy "Jeff", and Edge "Christian". 
  • Hardys have the match won with a Swanton Bomb, but Edge hits both Matt and Jeff with a ring bell.

Winners: The Hardy Boyz by disqualification, Edge and Christian retain - A fine match, but they could've easily done better.

  • After the match, the Dudleys come out, give Christian a 3D, and put Edge through a cheaper-than-usual table.
  • European Champion Eddie Guerrero comes out with Chyna, and new Intercontinental Champion Chris Jericho comes out. One of their titles are gonna be on the line, and it will be determined by a coin flip. 
  • Chyna tries to speak Spanish, and she sounds so bad.
Chyna's spanish tutor.

Chyna's spanish tutor.

 

  • Guerrero loses the coin toss, so the European Title is on the line.

Match #8: European Championship - Chris Jericho vs. Eddie Guerrero (c) w/ Chyna

  • Eddie tries to leave, but Chyna tosses him back toward the ring.
  • Eddie hits a very nice top rope Frankensteiner, and puts on a few different submissions.
  • Eddie reverses a powerbomb into a hurricanrana over the top rope. Eddie takes the ref's attention, and Chyna hits a DDT on Jericho. Jericho kicks out at two.
  • Chyna tosses the European title into the ring, and distracts Jericho again. This allows Eddie to hit Jericho with the title and retain.

Winner: Eddie Guerrero - Another decent match, with another screwy finish.

  • Triple H and Shane argue about who's gonna win the title. DISSENSION
  • The Rock says that the odds don't matter, the place doesn't matter, because he will stay WWF Champion. Main event is next.

Match #9: WWF Championship - Shane McMahon w/ Vince McMahon vs. Triple H w/ Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley vs. The Rock (c)

  • The Rock beats up both guys until Shane and Triple H takes control.
  • Shane and Triple H take turns doing the Shane shuffle punches, then Rock responds with a double bionic elbow. Really funny sequence.
  • There's also a double sleeper hold spot, which is also funny.
Insert Brazzers logo. Heheh, insert.

Insert Brazzers logo. Heheh, insert.

 

  • Uh oh, Shane breaks up a Triple H pin. Triple H pushes Shane. Shane hits Triple H. DISSENSION
  • Shane goes for a Pedigree, but he can't pick up The Rock. Shane and Triple H both bump the referee.
  • Triple H hits Rock with Stephanie's Women's title, but that only gets a two.
  • Vince gets in the ring and distracts Rock, but that allows Triple H to hit the Pedigree on the Rock for a two count. He gets frustrated and knocks out the second ref.
  • Triple H hits another Pedigree, Vince puts a ref shirt on, but Earl Hebner pulls Vince out of the ring before he could count three.
  • Vince chases Earl around the ring, and leads him into a Rock Bottom. People's Elbow to Shane gets Rock the win.

Winner: The Rock - Fun main event, if not for too much outside stuff.

  • The Rock celebrates as we fade to black.

Final Thoughts: I'm sure this show was very fun for the people in Earl's Court, but there was too much stuff happening. So many run-ins, so much cheating, so much fluff. Check out the main event, and maybe Angle/Benoit, and skip the rest. It was an easy watch, but not a good one. SUIT DOES NOT RECOMMEND.

As always, thanks for checking this out. If you enjoy my brand of humor, or if you want to hear my thoughts on the current product, follow me on Twitter: @SuitWilliams. Until next time, don't be an asshole (unless someone deserves it).