The First-Ever Asked "Hunger Games" Simulation!

For a while now on my Twitter timeline it seems that most of the people on it who happen to be wrestling nerds are playing with the Hunger Games Simulator located on brantsteele.com – while the site is somewhat buggy, I admit the concept of a “virtual Hunger Games” where you can plug characters in seems pretty amusing – or at least it would be if 90% of the people I follow on Twitter weren’t wrestling fans who keep plugging New Japan Pro Wrestling’s roster into it over and over and over again.

I got to thinking that the Asked Universe has become so large that I could put together an Asked Hunger Games.  With customizable sizes allowing for 24, 36, or 48 players to join the fray this could get pretty interesting and so many people have come and gone into the Asked Asylum that I have plenty to work with.  I decided to put some teams together for our foray into the Hunger Games, in hopes the odds will ever be in our favor.

Let’s meet the teams:

Team 1:  Riv & Landin

This needs no explanation.  The Riv & Landin era of the show is pretty much the equivalent of Asked’s Attitude Era, and as Jon Eric once said, the end of that era was like “Bert and Ernie” splitting up.  Of course all the good teams get back together, usually after discovering things like Jesus Christ and Mom Jeans and so here we are.  I look good in Mom Jeans, actually.

Team 2: The GAY Community? (EdWood & the Crust)

Asked’s founding father, the incomparable EdWood teams with The Crust, long-time friend and supporter.  The Crust is also sometimes known by his alter-ego, the Anal-loving, Jinjack-posting, irritable-boweled @CRANKYRIV and it seems like a match made in heaven, especially given the Crust’s newfound flexibility and DDP Yoga Super Powers.  Aside from that the Crust was directly responsible for bringing us Shazza McKenzie, our first (and so far only) guest from Australia.  While The Crust is not gay, sometimes his trademark pink hat and his love of Jimmy Jacobs can be… questionable.

Team 3: White People (Glenn and Ashlynn)

Two former Asked co-hosts are brought together by their white privilege, love of cats, and love of being irritated at the brown people.  @Glenntertain and Ashlynn joined Asked at pretty much the same time and left Asked at pretty much the same time so it makes sense that these two team up to provide the game with the cuddles, the huggles, and the naggy lecturing that has become their trademark.

Team 4:  2 Angry Guys (Jon Eric and Bret Peters)

Jon Eric has had the distinction of being a graphic artist, a third chair, consultant and t-shirt marketer for Asked, and recently branched off into doing 2 Angry Guys, which is often co-hosted by Landin, except for those times Landin is tired and hungry and irritable, in which case The Famous Bret Peters, who has called Asked as well on several occasions fills those shoes.  The coolest thing is that Bret and Jon have little matching hats like Rybaxel.  Will tag team continuity help them win the Hunger Games?

Team 5: Bread & BRoth (Bread Foster & Brian Roth)

Both men are intelligent, white, and have backgrounds in the world of New York/New Jersey comedy.  Both men bring something interesting to the table any time they’ve been a part of Asked – Bread being a recurring guest on the show, and Brian Roth being a former co-host of the show and resident “Science Officer.”  Unlike the Science Officer on Star Trek, Brian Roth is still alive.  Happy Hodgenick to that!  Will the combination of Science and “Pro Sex Tips” be enough to make it to the end?  I mean Bread Foster DOES spend most of his time when he’s not being funny on BroBible.com climbing random mountains and shit.  That’s quite a skill.

Team 6: Team “Don’t Date Divas” (Damien Darling & Erik Martinez)

Damien Darling holds the award for being the man who’s been on Asked the most times, and the first man to get us in the wrestling dirt-sheets when he appeared.  He’s also the only man who can translate Erik Martinez, the Asked Mascot’s Body Language.  Will Damien be able to translate Erik Martinez’s trademark balled-up fist into a fist of fury against the competition?  Time will tell.

Team 7: JAPAN HATES YOU (Mr. Mishimoto & Mr. Yoshimitsu)

This is the team that the Twitter Wrestling Community nerds should love because they look like a NJPW team:  Mr. Mishimoto’s hatred of Ronnie Randon is well documented and Yoshimitsu’s disgust at “that woman Bread Foster” isn’t much better.  Will their hatred for their enemies spell the end for all comers, or will their hatred for each other cause them to turn on one another, ever since Mishimoto dishonored their family by having “a herpe?”

Team 8:  The Crusade For Change (TJ Marconi & Darius Carter)

TJ Marconi and Darius Carter are no strangers to Asked, and two guests who aren’t worried about political correctness or appeasing everyone with the controversial words outside the ring and actions inside the ring at Beyond Wrestling – they’re also the only legitimate team here, and with TJ’s size, and Darius’ survival instincts might be a force to be reckoned with inside the games – there’s also the fact they won’t hesitate to knock a woman out, and Darius has a score to settle with a dumb blonde broad somewhere in this game…

Team 9: Awkwardly Momentous (Ethan Carter III & Krispin Wah)

Asked makes for some strange bedfellows and no moment was stranger or more awkward than TNA’s Ethan Carter III being left alone on the air with Krispin Wah during a live interview on the air.  But can the 1 percenter and the Crippler work together to win the Hunger Games?  Or does this pairing spell TROUBLE on the horizon?  Will EC3 even acknowledge the Crippler, or continue to mistake him for Naresh?

Team 10:  Don’t Mess With Tex-Ass (Barbi Hayden and Samantha Anne)

These two lovely ladies and former Asked guests won the first-ever Woman of the Year Asked Awards together in a tie vote that was left completely up to the Asked listeners.  Both women are friends, both women hail from Texas, both women own Johnny Landin t-shirts, so they’ve earned their right to fight in the games.  They’re no strangers to winning on Asked but will they win again – or are these two unwilling to share this time around?

Team 11:  The Creeps (Luke Hudson & I WANT SEX PICS AJ LEE)

Luke Hudson has been a recurring nightmare on Asked, calling the show making creepy comments about Divas and demanding us to return his long-destroyed Twitter account.  However, he may have met his match in the newest creeper, the man who has no name, known only by the phrase he keeps repeating: “I WANT SEX PICS AJ LEE.”  With so many ladies in the game, this pairing could be very dangerous.

Team 12:  Team ISW: Mike Rotch and Pinkie Sanchez!

Not to be outdone by EdWood, his fellow ISW friends, and guests on the show, Pinkie Sanchez and Mike Rotch the ISW Founder have arrived.  With Rotch’s ability to impersonate Nigerians and Pinkie’s survival instincts, they might be a favorite to win… but what happens if their paths cross EdWood who is on another team? WHO WILL GET THE FUCK OUT?!?

Team 13:  Master and Slave (Brotunga & Mecca)

Brotunga was fortunate enough to BUY Mecca when we auctioned her off in one of the most racist moments of all time on the show and Blake has appeared frequently when he’s not busy spamming Finlaydick on the masses on Twitter.  Mecca in war paint is ready to roll, and very dangerous but one has to wonder if she will betray Brotunga the first chance she gets to align herself with other friends of hers in the games.

Team 14:  Homeland Security (Osama Bin Laden and the Homeland Security Lady)

Osama Bin Laden appeared on Asked when he called in to tell us he’s alive, well, and a liberal now who plans to delve into acting and other entertainment roles.  The Homeland Security Lady was an unfortunate random who had the displeasure of calling into Asked to try to discuss green beans and graham crackers only to be asked if she partakes in anal intercourse which prompted her to threaten to call the Department of Homeland Security to dispatch us.  Now we’ll see if her diet of green beans and graham crackers pays off as she aligns herself with the master of Hide-And-Seek.

Team 15:  The Asked Asylum (Gentlemen Sam & Batman Guy)

2015 has been a strange year for callers on Asked, as we decided to call Gentlemen Sam, a man who claims to be autistic which is his excuse to hit on women, whine about women, beg for attention from women and posts lots of pictures of his fat hideous ugly disgusting body.  He is joined by a friend of his who ever since we called him has tried to harass us by asking us about Mudkips or proclaiming he will kill us because he “is Batman.”  Let’s see the power of Autism in all its glory in the games.

Team 16: The Special Ed Friends (Count Freddy and The Masked Rapper)

The Masked Rapper’s claim to fame is being the worst guest to ever appear on Asked while being trolled by ISW’s EdWood and Mike Rotch on the air.  Count Freddy is here because much like the Masked Rapper, he is retarded and has a score to settle with “Dewwick Batemen and his stupid haircut.”  You know your team is in trouble when Count Freddy, who claims to be a vampire with down syndrome, is the smart member of your team.

Team 17:  Pretty Popular (Lindsey D. & Jennifer Lawrence’s Butthole)

Lindsey D, who had told us all about her illicit sexting relationship with Seth Rollins is currently the most popular person we’ve ever had on the show with a whopping 35,000 (and counting) listens to her story.  Trailing slightly behind Is Jennifer Lawrence….’s butthole from the time we discussed the Fappening, which is the second-most-listened-to episode of Asked of all-time.  What will happen when we combine them both?  I mean Jennifer Lawrence’s Butthole is kind of a Hunger Games expert, and some can argue its only due to her butthole that Peeta fell in love with her to begin with.  Jennifer Lawrence’s butthole starts wars.  Jennifer Lawerence’s butthole inspires poor black people in poor black districts to riot.  And Jennifer Lawrence’s butthole infuriates President Snow. 

Team 18: The Plastics (Riley Nixon and Megan Washington)

The Plastics appeared on Asked as our on-the-air-double-dates while Riv hosted Asked in the middle of a snowstorm with no power, from his car, on his phone.  After thoroughly asking them questions about what it takes to bang, whether or not either of them do anal, and disgusting Megan to the point of trauma, they were never seen on the show again.  Now the Plastics have returned, and we’ll find out if Landin’s theory that they are immortal, unkillable vampires from the Colonial times is true. 

Team 19:  The Date (Lindsey H. and Doron the Minion)

The Minion is one of our enjoyable guests, with a background in some of the most outrageous porn available on the Internet, while also functioning as a walking ECW encyclopedia and being one of the big brains behind the Dogfart Network but during his appearances on the show he could not help but be smitten by our former Social Networking Ambassador, Lindsey.  Even though Lindsey is seldom seen tweeting Asked these days, we couldn’t help but hook them up on their very first (and possibly very last) date.

Team 20:  Team England (Adam Pearson and AH Walker)

The movie star, Adam Pearson, known for his recent appearance alongside Scarlett Johnansen in Under the Skin, and Asked’s resident 3 a.m. UK-time-drunkard, AH Walker are here to show the superiority of the British in battle and get revenge on Luke Hudson for defeating them in the International Caller of the Year Asked Awards. On second thought, AH Walker is barely able to stand up properly any time he calls into this show.  Is it too late to replace him with Barrettunga instead?  Shit.

Team 21:  The Filthy First Timers (Audrey Marie and Seleziya Sparx)

We took the (podcast) virginity of both of these women as Asked was the first show they ever appeared on, and we wouldn’t be surprised if it was the last with how we treated them.  Both former Landin Love Interests, now angry women scorned, Audrey Marie and Seleziya Sparx unite in their hatred to take revenge on all comers. 

Team 22:  Ebony and Ivory (Jerry White and MJR)

Could any two callers be any more different?  MJR is the loudmouthed liberal black man of the show, and Jerry White is the soft spoken, easy going, white racist who sings “Songs to Fuck Your Sister To.”  Sometimes opposites work well together so it will be interesting to see if this team can co-exist in the interests of self-preservation.

Team 23:  J & J Not-So-Security (Joey Janela and Jenny Lovefield)

Another team of opposites includes the Bad Boy Joey Janela and his nemesis Jenny Lovefield – in fact Darius Carter is probably the only person who hates Lovefield more than Joey Janela does.  While the bad boy is teamed with a woman who might take his allowance away, she’ll have to rely on his attitude and craziness to survive, I mean, what the hell is a Professional Bridesmaids who doesn’t believe in killing animals going to do to survive the friggin’ Hunger Games?!?

Team 24:  The Micacle Brothers (Suresh and Naresh)

Suresh and Naresh are the biggest fans of EC3 who continually tried to call the show begging for him to unblock them on Twitter, however they are also India’s greatest musicians (according to Brian Roth), and are a deadly hardcore team who survives walking the mean streets of India while being too poor to afford shoes.  Also death is temporary for the Mighty Suresh who keeps dying of fever and returning from the dead.  This could be the most dangerous duo in the games.  Place your bets.  Now that we’ve introduced the team it’s time to hit the simulate button and see what happens – warning:  there are A LOT of screenshots.  Unfortunately due to the nature of the game I actually had to randomly insert two teams into each district but because it’s pretty much every-man-woman-thing-for-him-her-itself this really is just an issue of semantics.

DAY 1

The first three deaths come right away when Lindsey H, Brotunga, and Joey Janela make the mistake of fighting Riv, Barbi Hayden, and AH Walker.  I guess Doron’s date got cut short, Mecca is now a free woman, and the bad boy got put in permanent time out. 

Homeland Security Lady, clearly envious of Lindsey D’s popularity and looks, kills her immediately with an arrow.  Shit, I didn’t know Homeland Security Lady trained on the Isle of Purgatory.  Bitch is deadly.  More notably both Lindsey’s died within the first day.  Apparently if your name is “Lindsey” surviving the Hunger Games may not be for you. 

Surprisingly Jon Eric wouldn’t last very long and meet his end at the hands of Luke Hudson.  Unsurprisingly Ashlynn refuses to play and was murdered by Naresh.  Much like she took her ball and went home from Asked.  Of course the only way you go home early in the Hunger Games is in a bodybag.  Also the hideous Masked Rapper got a sword. Shit. 

Here we see people are homesick and sad, Dixie Carter is sending Ethan Carter weapons to kill people with and Jerry White is trying to get his mack on with a woman who is probably just as racist as he is.  It's never too late to make a love connection.  Maybe there's hope for Riv yet.

A lot of fighting ensues. Bread Foster runs away from a black man, and Seleziya breaks the nose of a Japanese Man before he can bury it in her ass hole which probably happened a lot while she was over there.  Everyone knows Japanese business men are horny like all the time.

There seem  to be way too many tridents in this game, and I feel like none of them ever got used.  Also the thought of Sanchez with a trident is even scarier than the thought of Marconi with a trident.  Have you ever seen Pinkie Sanchez with a melee weapon?  I have.  It almost got us kicked out of Big Lots once. 

Here we see that MJR managed to survive a knife fight with Suresh. and also kill one of the two Miracle Boys.  Since there are like no black people in India Suresh never learned never to fight a black man wielding a knife.  RIP Suresh and good riddance.  Since I have over 100 screencaps of the games I'm only going to post the most relevant or amusing ones here. 

As usual, hot women are stalking Landin, Damien tries to get himself some ass from the dumbest woman on the planet, and Crust despite his DDPYoga powers is killed by a 10,000 year old vampire.  Also Gentlemen Sam constructed a shack which is probably better than what he lives in at home.  The deaths are tolled for today:

8 down, 40 remain.  White women seem to be the most likely to die as 3 of them went down in the first day.  

There is only room for one retard and I WANT SEX PICS AJ LEE manages to put an end to Count Freddy's already-shortened lifespan.  Also it looks like MJR, Pinkie Sanche and Jerry White all have the Official STD of Asked, Genital Herpes, and are treating their infections.  Fools!  There is no cure!  Damien has finished his business with Jenny Lovefield and is moving on to Audrey Marie.  Friends don't let friends date Divas but there's nothing in the rules about fucking them.  There is also no Tyler Breeze to cockblock him here.  Then again I think in real life Damien could take Breeze out anyway. 

Bread Foster, too?  You guys need to stop sharing water with Landin!  And of course, Glenn, decides to be a bully and murder the smallest man here, the official mascot of Asked, Erik Martinez.  Maybe Damien could have saved Erik if he weren't out getting ass. RIP, bro.

With his date destroyed  at the beginning of the games, The Minion has no choice Also it looks like Riley Nixon took pity on Luke Hudson and has allowed him to feel a female breast for the first time in his life. but to cuddle with EdWood instead.  Apparently from this screenshot British people are excellent climbers. Who knew?  Brian Roth did not heed the warning about sharing water with Landin, and fell ill. 

DAY 2

Acid rain!  Apparently people were too slow in killing each other and the powers that be decided to use acid to thin the herd.  Jenny Lovefield actually  manages to murder Darius Carter, but Carter isn't the type to let his own death go unavenged and manages to pull his arch-nemesis, the dumbest woman to ever live into the acid pit with him, ensuring both their deaths.  I would expect nothing less from the intellectually superior Carter.  He wasn't going to go out like that. Brian Roth also proves his hatred for unvaccinated retards and lets Batman guy melt to death.

Barbi Hayden and Pinkie Sanchez DO try this at home and end up just as dead as Lovefield and Carter.  

You can almost hear the Looney Tunes theme as people continue to die the same way as TJ Marconi and I WANT SEX PICS AJ LEE also die THE EXACT SAME WAY as Carter/Lovefield/Pinkie/Barbie.  Damn dudes, don't you learn?  I also like how Audrey Marie, who used to be a bit of a botch queen on NXT tripped and fell right into the acid, and died.  Maybe if she had taken the strength trainer up on his offer she would have had the strength to live longer.  

As you can see AH Walker and Bret Peters are not lucky enough to find a way to escape.  Also Bread Foster tries to do us a favor and kill the Masked Rapper but once again like the other rounds of maniacs is pulled into the undertow and melted into sticky paste.  Glenn, unfortunately, is still with us.  THE WRONG WHITE MAN DIED. 

A whopping 15 people died on Day 2 mostly thanks to those stupid acid-rain related deaths.  If there's one thing this simulator needs it's less of the same thing happening over and over. Deaths obviously need some more event diversity but since this simulator is a constant work in progress who knows what the developer will include several versions from now.  17 players remain.  

Night 2/Day 3

oring shit occurs but it is obvious EdWood is trying to clear out the remaining women and make this a sausage fest as he attempts to kill Mecca only for her to use her super "black people run fast" powers to escape.  Riv, because he is lazy, tries to sleep all day, which is what he tries to do on his days off anyway lately.  I... probably should not refer to myself in the third person for this article.  Also, what kind of arena are we in where all the bushes look like Jennifer Lawrence's butthole, and would YOU fuck those bushes if they did?  With my lack of sex, I just might.  

Nobody dies during day 3 but Night 4 is a different story...

Mecca is murdered by Seleziya while Adam Pearson manages to to fend off three people from his fie for the night.  Riley Nixon cries herself to sleep which is what happens when you let Luke Hudson touch you.  He's probably bragging about the nasty sex they had to EC3, Rotch, and that weird Homeland Security Lady.  Good going, Riley.  

Day 4 

Nothing really happens on Day 4 except for the acknowledgement that Mecca has died. This is the saddest thing to happen to black people since MLK got shot.

Night 4

Night 4 puts the mental picture in my brain of EdWood trying to climb a tree and I can't help but laugh.  It is also the night that Doron the Minion and Brian Roth enter some kind of Jew alliance which will likely infuriate jerry White.  And of course Glenn becomes the most hated person on earth when he manages to huddle with Jennifer Lawrence's butthole, which is something most of the nerds on the planet earth have been wanting to do all their motherfuckin' lives.  Watch the official video on "Glennifersfirstanalexperience.com"

Seleziya Sparx gets a killing spree going, as after killing Mecca she decides to do the world a favor and rid it of Gentlemen Sam.  This is very impressive because she killed Gentlemen Sam with a blow dart shot to the neck.  That must take some amazing accuracy.  How did she even manage to hit Gentlemen Sam's neck when it is protected under several layers of immense fat?  It is obvious that Seleziya is a member of ISIS and cannot be trusted.  Maybe I should have teamed her with Bin Laden instead.

Day 5

Oh no, not another one of these annoying "clear half the field" arena events.  Naresh falls off a cliff, which is probably a less embarassign way to die than "dying of fever" like he and Suresh are used to.  Mike Rotch is murdered by lethal plant life which is a hell of a weak-ass way to go.  Glenn, unfortunately, survives.  He's the JTG of this Hunger Games. WHY ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?"

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Riley Nixon also dies from plant life but let's face it, after fucking Luke Hudson she has no reason to live anymore anyway.  Also Krispin Wah has died (again) and by the only man who loves nooses more than him.  

Much like the last event, tons of people die by touching spiny, lethal plants.  Ethan Carter III proceeds to make the ultimate dick move of killing me in the dark.  At least he did not scalp me before he killed me and left my hair alone.  Luke Hudson managed to kill the Minion and Landin is ALSO eliminated when he falls off a cliff leading the crowd to boo like they did at the 2015 Royal Rumble when Daniel Bryan and Dolph Ziggler and Dean Ambrose all got thrown out like sacks of shit.  

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After Day 5 nothing happens for like 3 days because the games clearly expected Landin or I to come back like Jesus but it was not to be.  Although there are highlights, so let's sum up some of the events leading up to the point where the killings begin again. 

Adam Pearson has a deep conversation with Jennifer Lawrence's Butthole.  They talk about their careers, their futures, England, and public nudity as Adam has some full frontal going on in his film, Under the Skin.  I believe he also compares Jenn's butthole to Scarlett Johannson's butthole. 

Jennifer Lawrence's butthole asks for the D from EC3 so that he can show her what the hashtagged phrase #KillingIt is all about.  For whatever reason EC3 elects NOT to kill the butthole because he does not want Glenn's sloppy seconds - which begs the question, would you rather do Jennifer Lawrence's butthole two minutes after a black guy or two minutes after Glenn?

Day 9

The deaths finally resume on Day 9 as Damien Darling dies of an infection.  See what happens when you bang a bunch of broads in the Hunger Games?  You don't know what kind of condition they keep their vaginas in.  Acid rain, cliffs, spears, tridents, axes, and ultimately the thing that killed Damien Darling wwas sinking the D. At least he went out having achieved many moments of bird doggin' chicks and bangin' beaver.  

MJR then proceeds to do what Ethan Carter III would not:  he kills Jennifer Lawrence's butthole.  He kills it.  Hard.  He cuckolds that shit.  He smashed it so hard that Barack Obama ejaculated his pants from feeling it all the way in the White House.  Utlimately MJR did this to make sure Glenn doesn't get anymore butthole-cuddles because he hates Glenn and wants Glenn to SHUT THE FUCK UP.  I'm sure Jennifer Lawrence's butthole tried to plead with JR that it loves black people and spared Rue, but this isn't the Hunger Games we are used to.  There is no hope, and now there is no butthole.  I wonder if Jennifer Lawrence's butthole sang a song before it died. 

You just know Damien tried to spit game to that ass in purgatory. 

Night 9/Day 10

I wonder how Adam tried to trick EC3 into killing EdWood.  I bet it wasn't even a good trick.  I bet it was along the lines of "Cheerio!  I am Adam Pearson!  I am British!  You really should kill EdWood!  It would be funny! " and EC3 believed it.  You'd think EC3 would have scalped and berated Adam like he does to most British people but instead he has wiped the last of the current co-hosts of Asked from the planet because he is an evil, evil man.

"Hello!  I am Adam Pearson!  You know what makes me laugh?  Dead Jewish Comedians!"  ...and with that Brian Roth is now dead.  Damn it, Adam!  That man had a family!  Adam Pearson is quickly becoming the most evil person in this game.  He's like a new age Hitler.  Should you expect anything less from the man who aspires to be a villain in a James Bond movie before his acting career ends?  He is a master manipulator.  Also Glenn eavesdrops on MJR and Seleziya because he wants to cuddle her next and MJR is an obstacle to that progress.  I mean MJR DOES kill buttholes.  

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You just know EdWood tried to spit game to that ass in purgatory. 

Night 10/Day 11

Seleziya, the leader of the Islamic State Hunger Games forces kills Adam Pearson, probably making him read a specially prepared statement telling the British Prime Minister to tell Obama that he sucks before taking hours to remove his head. 

God save the Queen.

Night 11/Day 12

In probably the worst (stupidest) death in this entire thing, MJR who had JUST CONSTRUCTED A SHACK manages to freeze to death.  How do you make a shack to protect yourself from the elements and the just randomly die of hypothermia?  

One cannon shot is heard in the distance, that lasts five hours and resolves nothing, and , 40 oz of alcohol are spilled on the ground.  

Night 12/Day 13

It's only fitting that since A CERTAIN SOMEONE KILLED ME that he would die the way I probably will die in real life... of thirst, because my thirst is real from the whole not-getting-any thing.  EC3 probably would not died of thirst had he only killed Jennifer Lawrence's butthole days earlier.  This proves that EC3 can only go 12 days without intercourse, which is 9 days more than Landin can survive.  Amateurs.  

Mishimoto strangles Luke Hudson BECAUSE HE IS RAZY.  Also Glenn manages to finally bang Seleziya which he's been trying to do for as long as he has known she existed (thanks to Landin).    Also I believe this means Glenn is officially part of the Islamic State too which should not surprise anyone.  He is worse than a terrorist.  THE WRONG WHITE GUY DIED.  

I wonder if EC3 sang Wild & Young when he got eliminated. 

Night 13/Day 14

And finally Glenn is eliminated after holding on through most of this thing, by the Vampire Queen of the White Women.  Megan Washington might just win it all here.  She told me earlier today that if she wins she's going to go to The Capital and spend all the money on all the ugly clothing rich people in the Hunger Games universe wear.

Homeland Security Lady decides she's not going to let Jerry White hit it after all and ends up killing the Leader of the Islamic State Forces, Seleziya.  Meanwhile, Yoshimitsu tries to chase Megan Washington so he can take her back to Shibuya, if he ever gets out of this arena anyway.  

You know Glenn tried to "cuddle" that ass in purgatory.

Night 14/Day 15 (Is this shit ever going to end?)

Deaths stop happening until Day 16 when Megan dies of dysentery.  Also Yoshimitsu tries to put Mishimoto and his herpes out of his misery for disgracing the family but the homeland Security Lady puts an end to him.  We are now down to three:  Mishimoto, Homeland Security Lady, and Jerry White.  What will happen?  WHO WILL SURVIVE?

On Night 17, Homeland Security Lady realizes too late that Mishmoto cannot be trusted because HE IS EVIL as he bashes her head in with a mace.  It is now down to Jerry White and Mishimoto.  Only one can survive.  Who will make it to the very end?  

Jerry White descends from the trees and bludgeons Mishimoto to death with his own mace.  Jerry White has done it.  He has survived the Hunger Games and proved that WHITE MALE PRIVILEGE is still alive and well! 

In the end Jerry White combated Jews, Hispanics, Black People, Asian People, A few Indian kids, vampires, wrestlers, and the mentally retarded ans still overcame the odds to go on to Wrestlemania to fight Brock Lesnar!  Oh... wait... that's the Royal Rumble.  Same thing, whatever.  Anyway we hope you enjoyed the first ever Asked Hunger Games.  Feel free to make your own versions and variations and show them to us on our official Twitter account!

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