GUNS? Oh no!!!

I had a lot of options for how I wanted to discuss this, and I figured the best option was to write an article with my thoughts and opinions on gun control.  One, because if I do a “Riv’s Rant” video, I’ll probably forget a bunch of points I’d like to make, Two, because my liberal co-host EdWood will try to berate me for not sharing his liberal viewpoints if I bring it up on Asked, which will again, ruin the flow of the entire program, and 3, because I just haven’t written anything lately.

Every time there is a shooting in the news we hear about it and it is over-sensationalized to a ridiculous degree.  It doesn’t matter if one person is shot or if there is a full-fledged massacre and ten or more people get shot – we hear about it, it becomes a giant tragedy and gets a lame little hashtag on Twitter.  The reason we hear about it so quickly is because of the Internet Era in which we live in.  Nothing is private, everything is over-scandalized and on top of it due to the Internet Era we live in an era of complete delusion. 

Sadly most people no longer know the difference between ACTUAL news and someone's editorial opinion piece, and sites such as Huffington Post do what they can to blur those actual lines to misinform people.

Sadly most people no longer know the difference between ACTUAL news and someone's editorial opinion piece, and sites such as Huffington Post do what they can to blur those actual lines to misinform people.

I am fully aware that I am not “the media.”  Hosting a podcast does not make me a Radio Station Affiliate.  Writing on the Internet does not make me a “journalist.”  When I write online I am fully aware I am sharing my thoughts and my opinions and nothing more.  However, most of these so called “journalists” are just writers posting their opinions but trying to present those opinions as fact to influence you to think their way.  One thing I’ve always tried to do with my writing is be fucking honest about it.  I really don’t give a crap if you agree with me or not because I’m going to say it anyway.

Are shootings REALLY on the rise, or are we just hearing about the ones that are happening more because of the fact that everyone is connected to everything instantaneously thanks to the Internet?

In doing Asked for five years I’m pretty sure tons of people die from stabbings and other stupid shit and if the media (see also: assholes whining on Twitter) posted about people dying from stab wounds as much as they did people who got shot, we’d see that this actually happens more often because there’s not really a waiting period or much skill required to stab someone or slice them.  Maybe we should ban knives too.  And there’s plenty of other ways to kill someone:  I’m pretty sure there are sites that essentially tell you how to make home-made explosives.  A baseball bat can be a deadly weapon.  A brick or a rock could be used to kill somebody.   The bottom line is if someone’s a sick fuck and they want someone dead they’re probably going to attempt it regardless of whether guns exist.

Church shooter Dylann Roof.  The far-away look in his eyes coupled with the really bad bowl cut are probably the first signs something about this kid is way, way off.  Maybe we need to stop having mental patients running around unchecked.

Church shooter Dylann Roof.  The far-away look in his eyes coupled with the really bad bowl cut are probably the first signs something about this kid is way, way off.  Maybe we need to stop having mental patients running around unchecked.

The truth is that maybe instead of worrying about guns, we need to worry about the growing influx of weird, stupid, delusional people.  For as far back as I can remember in my life, nobody in the media seems to ever just go “that guy was an asshole.”  Think about Columbine.  So many people blamed that on “violent movies and videogames.”  No, maybe the kids behind Columbine were just pieces of shit.  It had nothing to do with the movies and games.  And people are just getting dumber, and dumber, and dumber.  Maybe the problem is we live in a society what worships Kim and Kanye, promotes the number of followers you have on Instagram and Twitter as a sign of your self-worth, tells you the higher number model your cellular phone is the more successful you are and that anyone who doesn’t agree with your way of thinking is a bully who is going to ruin your life unless you completely remove them from your life for doing so.  Maybe the problem isn’t guns.  Maybe the problem is we live in a society of increasingly shitty human beings.

Cool toys were CLEARLY THE PROBLEM.  More gun toys means more guns which means more death!!! (No, it really doesn't - we have less of this in this era and yet somehow shootings are on the rise?  I think this is proof deleting all the cool toys of the 1980s has done nothing except make a few nerds like me REALLY sad).

Cool toys were CLEARLY THE PROBLEM.  More gun toys means more guns which means more death!!! (No, it really doesn't - we have less of this in this era and yet somehow shootings are on the rise?  I think this is proof deleting all the cool toys of the 1980s has done nothing except make a few nerds like me REALLY sad).

Even just cool stuff like our toys and cartoons and superheroes is effected by the phobia of guns.  When I was a kid Megatron from Transformers turned into a toy gun – and it was cool.   A robot… that turns into a gun!  Awesome!  Somehow we got convinced things like this, and army men, and anything that involved action was BAD.  It’s why G.I. Joes are placed as less important and boys playing with Barbie is to the point of encouragement.

…That commercial made me cringe.  While I do believe ultimately we need to promote responsibility when it comes to actually owning or using a gun; training classes should be encouraged so that you know what the hell you’re actually doing with one, and I do agree the mentally unstable shouldn’t be able to get a gun and there should be consequences if your child uses your gun to kill someone, I do not believe guns should be banned outright.

Think about how cool the Wild West was.  You had bad guys with guns, sure, but you also had good guys who shot back.  And I don’t see what the problem with any of that was.  It wasn’t about whether you owned a gun or not that made you less virtuous.  It was what you did with it.   But don’t even get me started on the unreasonable paranoia everyone has that all police officers are gun-toting madmen who want to shoot innocent people.  These morons simply want us to enter a world like the one in the 1993 film Demolition Man where instead of guns. The police show up with little glow-sticks and kindly ask criminals to stop.

Yeah, I’m sure that will work well.  The cops couldn’t even handle Wesley Snipes with blonde hair in that movie.  I think the solution to our problems doesn’t lie in the banning of guns and “take all your firearms away” that some of the extremists out there seem to have but rather the opposite.  Let’s just have more guns and gun awareness.  I said the problem with gun control was stupid people.  Can we just balance them out?  Take all these shithead Obama-voters that only love to get free shit, arm them with guns and throw them in a voluntary version of The Hunger Games and let them take each other out.  Let’s let stupidity and greed get rid of a few annoyances, shall we? Or better yet let’s bring back THE DUEL.

The answer to all our problems. Natural selection has come home.

The answer to all our problems. Natural selection has come home.

Do you remember those stories about the old days where if one guy disrespected another guy, or if two guys had to fight it out for a girl’s love, or whatever, they settled things with the old “walk ten paces, turn around and shoot?”  We need more of that.  Think about how much better it would be if that was totally acceptable behavior again.  For one, a lot of stupid people would be dead, and the world would be less crowded.  Secondly, maybe people wouldn’t be so damn afraid of guns, and thirdly, I’m just an asshole who’d like to see it happen. 

In America we don't give a fuck what they do in England.  It's why we left hundreds of years ago.

In America we don't give a fuck what they do in England.  It's why we left hundreds of years ago.

Oh and one more thing:  I’m really tired of the British always commenting on American news stories about shootings bragging about how if we were more like them and didn’t have guns that nothing bad would ever happen, EVER.  This is the muttering of a people who are mad that we shot at them a few hundred years ago to win a war which liberated this country from them.  THAT is why they’re always pissed off that we have guns.  If we were more like the European countries we might all be even bigger assholes than we already are so please, kindly shut the fuck up and stay on your side of the ocean when it comes to gun control in America.

In closing, I want to bring up a little story from a few weeks ago regarding guns:  I was leaving Wal-Mart when someone ran in and said someone had just shot someone else.  Rather than panic, I simply decided to leave Wal-Mart out the alternate exit just in case and continued to go about my business.  I didn’t feel outraged or shocked or sad because it was a dispute between one person and another person.  Clearly the guy who got shot was probably an asshole, which is why he got shot.  And the other guy was being arrested for murder so ultimately that’s two less assholes on the earth, and I’m alright with that.  In short, I don’t think guns are the problem.  I think humanity and our decline into complete stupidity is much more to blame.  You can ban all guns, but bad stuff will still happen.  Banning all the idiots would be vastly superior.