From The Archives: The Booker T Commentary Drinking Game!

I really wasn't going to bother bringing this one back out of the archives because Booker T stopped doing commentary and he's not near as bad with his mannerisms when doing the pre-shows on WWE Network before Pay-Per-Views - it had seemed to me the entirety of the Booker T drinking game had been retired.

Then I found out he was going to be replacing Jerry Lawler for the night on Monday Night RAW (and hopefully one day he will replace him forever).  This is the article people love but their livers don't and here's a chance to play it one more time during the January 5, 2014 edition of RAW.

DISCLAIMER: This Drinking Game is real. Please play this at your own risk. ListenToThisShow.com encourages all persons who partake in the consumption of alcohol to please drink responsibly, and if you get alcohol poisoning or crash a car it’s your own damn fault, thank you.

As many of you who watch WWE wrestling know some time after the 2011 WWE Royal Rumble the powers that be at World Wrestling Entertainment decided to bring back one of the all-time greats of WCW who later became a prominent wrestler in the WWE, Booker T. Rather than bring the middle aged Booker T back as a permanent member of the active roster, they instead for some peculiar reason decided that Booker T could be an amazing, incredible commentator the likes of which we have never seen.

Well they got that half right. Booker T is a commentator like we’ve never seen before. That’s because he speaks in fucking Ebonics. Despite the fact that initially Booker T’s commentary was practically unbearable, coupled with Michael Cole harassing the Booker Man every fifteen seconds for some reason or another, I have managed to salvage a credible drinking game known as “The Booker T Drinking Game,” based on Booker’s repetitive lingo, and constantly recycling the same phrases more than any commentator that has ever been in the broadcast booth.

Booker T Drinking Game: Beginning

Booker T Drinking Game: Middle.

Booker T Drinking game: End (and no I have no fucking idea what happened to my t-shirt)

Now the Booker T Drinking game has been played by some hardcore motherfuckers. I’ve played the game several times and passed out before the end of most Pay-Per-View events I’ve played it on. Frequent Asked caller AH Walker as well as his friends, Jason Sykes and Jimmy Flash have encountered the Booker T drinking game and barely survived the tale. There’s also the time that Tom Hughes died playing the Booker T drinking game. Yes, it has killed a man.  It’s okay though, because he was ginger, so maybe that’s a good thing.  For some reason British people love to play this game more than Americans.  I guess British people live dangerously and need something else to get their rocks off now that most forms of porn are banned over there.  Regardless the Booker T Drinking Game has some serious risks and is best played with multiple players to divide the “Booker T Catchphrases” up. Also the game is dangerous if played during a 3 hour Pay-Per-View as opposed to a 2-Hour Episode of Friday Night Smackdown. It’s up to you how you decide to improvise or play this game, but I’ve already covered my tan Latino ass with a disclaimer so I assume no responsibility for damages to your live that can (and probably will occur). And Booker, if you ever read this please keep doing what you do, maybe the liquor manufacturers can pay you royalties or something. YOU DA MAN.

Booker T Drinking Game: Official Rules:

The following phrases are worth 1 shot:

--Right HERE

--Right THERE

--Right NOW

--DAT BOI

These are Booker T’s standard repetitive phrases – You may think one shot is nothing but be prepared as Booker T usually likes to chain them into combos, such as “RIGHT HERE, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT THERE DAT BOI RANDY ORTON IS DOIN SOME WORK RIGHT NOW.” While these seem harmless phrases on their own in large enough clusters they can royally scramble your brain. Oh did I say “royal?”

ALL HAIL KING BOOKER!

The following phrases are worth 2 shots:

--OH MY GOODNESS.

--AWW, WAIT A MINUTE.

--AWW HERE WE GO.

--SHUCKY DUCKY QUACK QUACK

These are the more rare Booker T catchphrases, and they usually accompany wrestlers firing up, using their signature or finishing moves and/or ending matches, with the exception of “shucky ducky” which usually you won’t have to worry about until (not unless, UNTIL) there are Divas on the screen. While these phrases are often used at pivotal shifts in momentum of a wrestling match there are some points Booker T will just randomly throw them at you, such as marking out for a person who nobody gives a remote fuck about. I’ll let popular Independent Wrestler Kevin Steen (now NXT superstar Kevin Owens) take this one as he once summed it up rather nicely on his Twitter page.

Kevin Steen shows us a prime example of Booker T randomly throwing catchphrases out that have nothing to do with anything.

The only person that even remotely cares about Jinder Mahal is Johnny Landin and that’s because he feels sorry for the guy and wants him to believe there’s at least one fan on this planet that even remotely gives a shit about Jinder’s miserable career. I mean seriously, how often can one man get his ass kicked by the Great Khali?

The following phrase is worth 3 shots:

--CALL DA POLICE.

“CALL DA POLICE” stands alone as the three-shot catchphrase and this is because unlike other Booker T catchphrases which are spammed to the point of incoherency “CALL DA POLICE” is one of the rarest Booker T catchphrases ever, almost never used which I believe we have bad memories in Booker T’s past to thank for.

For those who don’t know Booker T did get in trouble as a young man for robbing a Wendy’s. (There is no judgment here, 95% of the country has gotten into some kind of trouble, however, if you’re going to rob a fast food joint at least rob a McDonalds because all Wendy’s ever seems to do is get your fucking order wrong to the point nobody ever actually wants to eat there).

The following phrases are “wild card” phrases:

--“FAVE FIVE.”

--WHUT 'DA HELL?

--DON’T DO IT LIKE DAT… BABY

--(Any attempt Michael Cole attempts to impersonate Booker T)

These are all over the spectrum from things that might be frequent like the “Fave Five” to things that might be rare (Like Michael Cole mocking Booker T’s commentary). However, unlike the other phrases this one requires a coin. Toss a coin any time these phrases are said. Heads makes it worth only 1 shot but tails makes it worth 2 shots thus increasing the unpredictability of the Booker T drinking game. Keep in mind, that there are at least twenty people in Booker T’s fave five, he doesn’t want ANY woman to “do it like that,” and Michael Cole enjoys berating Booker T when he has nothing else constructive to add to a match.

All in all the Booker T drinking game is intended for entertainment, and to enhance your experience while watching Smackdown or various WWE Pay-Per-Views. It’s not meant to hurt or harm anyone in any way, and it’s also intended to make Booker T fun to actually pay attention to. Let’s face it, at the end of the day no matter how nonsensical Booker T is, he will never be the worst commentator ever to put on a headset.

That distinction goes to Mike Adamle, who is probably going to “Jamaica me crazy” in hell with his horrible play-by-play, and is a constant reminder that not everything to come out of Chicago is awesome.