Recap: WWE NXT is Riv (September 4, 2014)

You know things are busy when I don’t do my NXT recap until Monday.  Still, better late than never, right?  This is our last stop before NXT Takeover so it’s essentially a go-home show.

NXT opens up with the seldom-seen Alexa Bliss in action.  Even though Bliss is impressive we hardly see her on NXT and she has yet to be put in any serious angles.  She’s a cute little midget.  I’d bang. 

She’s taking on the NXT Women’s Champion, Charlotte, which means she’s about to be destroyed.  I’m glad the WWE Performance Center obviously has on-sight plastic surgeons that have corrected Charlotte’s “Flairism” and that she finally resembles a female.  She still doesn’t have enough ass, though.  Also her smile reminds me of Ric Flair and booze.

I find it odd there’s so much awkward commentator silence early on in the match.  Charlotte tries to keep Bliss grounded.  Bliss tries to hit some quick offense but the match is turned around when Charlotte hits a tilt-a-whirl-gut-buster on Bliss and now begins to torment her.  Charlotte wraps up by hitting the Snapmare to send Bliss back to fairy tale land.

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Bayley comes out here post-match to be an inspiration to autistic people everywhere.  At least these days Bayley is less “retard mode” in promos.  In the beginning she sounded like she belonged as a cast member of the ABC of Sexual Education for Trainables. Bayley says she wants Charlotte to start taking her seriously because at Takeover she is seriously taking Charlotte’s title.

Charlotte looks disgusted by Bayley’s general existence and can’t believe Bayley had the nerve to come out here to begin with.  I can read lips pretty well.  Charlotte responds by shoving Bayley, hand-in-the-face.  She gets hit with Bayley’s Bayley-To-Bayley-Hugplex in response.  Charlotte seems flustered and angered by this.

We get to talk to another NXT Diva now, Tyler Breeze, as to why anyone should believe he will walk out of Takeover as the NXT Champion.  For a male model he’s looking like a scrunched up, compressed old man here.  He basically says everyone else in the match is ugly. I think his chances are high because he’s never getting off the NXT island for as long as the Miz has the same gimmick on main television.

This guy is losing to Tyler Breeze. That is all.  NXT has no idea what they want to do with Tye Dillinger or his partner Jason Jordan.  Maybe Ty is staring into his future seeing as at one point Breeze was in a dead end jobber tag team with Jordan as well.  Also, weren’t Dillinger and Jordan seemingly heel the last time we saw them?  I can’t take this seriously.  Guy gets killed by Breeze. 

Tyson Kidd now tells us why he is going to win the match.  “I’m Nattie’s Husband” is never listed as a reason.  Instead Kidd mentions everything in that match – describing the most athletic performer since the Dynamite Kid, being young, hungry, dangerous, desperate, and also arrogant, cocky and full of himself.   He then takes credit for being ALL THOSE THINGS after leading you to believe he’s talking about his three opponents.  If only he had thrown one of those trollface smiles he makes it would have been absolutely perfect.

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Tyson Kidd vs. Adam Rose is next.  The commentators remind us that in a time before Vince McMahon decided this was a “shitty fucking gimmick” that Rose got a victory in the main event of NXT a month ago over Kidd.  Well, Kidd needs to build momentum for the Fatal Four Way so the party’s over for Adam Rose tonight  After Kidd causes Rose to tap out to the Sharpshooter (although I must say I really miss the Dungeon Lock he was using briefly), it’s time to talk to Sami Zayn about why he thinks he’s going to win.

Zayn mentions he doesn’t have to pin the champion but he wants to get the pinfall victory over Neville because this way there are no excuses or any doubt, even if they are friends outside the ring.  It is now also Zayn’s turn to have a match. 

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Glass Joe & Gabby Jay, also known as Sylvester LeFort and Marcus Louis are out here to get destroyed by Zayn.  These guys are a joke, and yes it is because they are little gay looking French men.  Zayn causes Marcus Louis to tap out in the Koji Clutch. 

The NXT Champion Adrian Neville now discusses the Fatal Four Way and the disadvantage he is at since he does not have to be pinned to lose his title. But he chose this match and chose it for a reason because it’s a risk and he likes to take risks and has beaten all three men in individual matches so now it is time to take them all on at once.

Neville intends to warm up for the Fatal Four Way by fighting a homeless man.

CJ Parker’s signs are better than the actual CJ Parker.  I think they should expand on his character and turn him into a Social Justice Warrior so that I can hate him even more.  Neville makes short work of this hippie.   Hey remember when CJ Parker was feuding with Xavier Woods and nobody cared?  Oh, that wasn’t that long ago.

Our tag team main event is up next – either Kalisto & Sin Cara or the Vaudevillains are going on to Takeover to fight the Ascension for the tag titles.  I’m pulling for the Hispanics – not because I am Hispanic but because the Vaudevillains creep me out.

Seriously they look like homo-erotic Mario Brothers.  In fact I think we should repackage them as Mario and Luigi. This match is much more slow-paced than I would like.  But Kalisto manages to hit his reversed Sliced Bread move and take Aiden English out while Sin Cara hits a swanton on gotch to get the pinfall.  The destination was nicer than the journey. Good finish to a somewhat average match. 

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The Ascension finishes the show with a staredown on the new number one contenders to close out the show. Nice little ending, and I’m curious as to if the Ascension will finally drop the titles.  It’s definitely not a bad go-home show.