Often, life is nothing but a series of bad days, a constant stream of bad days – then you have a good day which is supposed to last you through the next continuous stream of bad days until you have another. Happiness is almost never constant. You’ll feel like shit more often than you’ll feel good and that’s life. And since I’ve felt like a lot of dark days have been a part of my life as of late, I’ve been unable to do much writing unless it’s wrestling recaps – sure I do my RAW and NXT recaps, as well as my podcasts, but I’ve been on auto-pilot. Frankly it’s hard to get back to writing when everything sucks. But I think I found the right thing at the right moment at the right time that pretty much sums up how I feel.
The 1993 film Falling Down starring Michael Douglas. Although I feel I review too many movies lately the fact is that I’m a decade older than my average readership and so gems like this slip through the cracks with many of them never having seen or heard of it. However, this movie might be the greatest fucking representation of hating routine and life that I’ve ever seen, which is funny because when I was 13-14 years old when it first came out I just found it a hilarious comedy about a man who self-destructs. Now that I’m older and I’m a man who one day MIGHT self-destruct I understand the deeper meanings of the film – but all the while I still laugh my fucking ass off at the comedy in it. This review will be part review, part synopsis and part of comparing the journey of Michael Douglas’ character to the everyday bullshit many people constantly contend with today.
This (combined with the fact I’m slowly turning into former WWE superstar Camacho) is a cry for help.
Our story begins with Douglas’ character (Foster) in the middle of stand-still traffic. This is pretty much the bane of any commuter’s existence worsened when it’s the middle of summer, made even more ridiculous when the government has decided to close lanes for construction at the most inopportune times (during the day when everyone is on the road as to not pay night workers the required time and a half). One of life’s mysteries is how much of it we spend in fucking stand still traffic staring at people uglier than us in nicer cars than ours.
Foster is having a BAD (haircut) DAY. Not only is it hot, not only is he in traffic, but his air conditioning doesn’t work and a fly has entered his care with the windows down while he is surrounded by belligerent annoying Los Angeles commuters which remind him how shitty the human race is. Nowadays we don’t even have to be in the middle of stand-still traffic with the windows down to see how majorly fucked up everyone is. We just have to look at what is trending or happening on Twitter.
Racial stereotyping, the MTV Music awards (icons of stupidity), bitching about how miserable and single most of us on the Internet are, oh, and Shia LeBeouf. Yep. The world is going STRAIGHT TO HELL. And that’s just at night. During the day you have about 6 Bieber topics and the rest taken up by 1 Direction. Yep. Stupidity is an epidemic.
Eventually being surrounded by enough negative energy to summon Dark Bahamut to usher in a 1,000 years of Mega-Flare causes Michael Douglas to lose his fucking mind and abandon his vehicle in the middle of the highway and start walking. He doesn’t even care that abandoning his car makes it worse for the people behind him or really seems to have a valid legitimate reason for this other than he’s had enough. Isn’t this how we all feel at times – trapped and like we need to just GET THE FUCK OUT? When asked by the person behind him where he’s going, Foster simply says “I’m going home.”
This has no relation to anything, I just wish I were trapped in between a woman’s breasts and I would not be crying for help. I’d just live there, which isn’t unlike the perverted comments I make about the ass of WWE Diva Naomi Knight.
That ass is just incredible. I want to land there like when Neil Armstrong landed on the moon. I want to move into it. I want to hide there in the event of Nuclear Detonation. I want to find it by accident like Christopher Columbus found America and colonize it, I… okay you get the point.
I’d also like to thank Cassie from CMPunkSource.org for this wonderful artist ‘s rendition of me LANDING on Naomi’s ass and declaring it PROPERTY of JasonRivera.com. ...I might be a little insane.
Oh look its Robert Duvall a.k.a. Mike Tenay with a fake mustache, a.k.a. “Cop who is old as dirt in like every film ever.” Duvall plays an “old as dirt” cop, Detective Pendergadst who is trying to just last out his final day and retire. He helps an annoying rookie cop push Foster’s car out of the way to help clear traffic. The cop isn’t too happy about Duvall suggesting they move it because he just wanted to do the lazy thing and radio to make it someone else’s problem,” not to mention shows a complete disrespect for hard work shown by those older than him.
I guess if the front of my pants were completely flat even when skin tight like Officer Mangina I would be upset at life too, but this cop clearly represents those in power who choose to do nothing to help others, and would rather be an absolute asshole. Why is it that when we read children’s books about cops they’re always portrayed as nice, friendly, and always doing the right thing and then when we grow up we realize that most of them were assholes who had insecurity issues growing up, took industrial grade steroids and now have penile dysfunction issues and roid rage fueling all of their life-long insecurities causing them to abuse their power? Seems a far cry from your “friendly neighborhood police officer” of the kid’s books we’re presented.
Yes believe it or not in the 1990s not everyone had cell phones! We had land lines! Foster calls his wife from a pay-phone but says nothing and hangs up. This was also back when Caller ID wasn’t default on every phone. Foster has used the last of his change to make the call and stops in a local foreign-owned corner shop.
What an upstanding citizen this guy is (if he’s even a citizen at all). This dick immediately slams his register shut when asked for change demanding Foster buy something. Now, he could have just been courteous since his register was open anyway and break change for a dollar but he went out of his way to be a fucking asshole about it.
Foster, albeit reluctant to buy anything finally settles on a soda and is immediately charged “eighty-fie cent.” (no V in the FIVE). The guy just needed change for the phone but has to deal with being overcharged by greedy foreigners looking to gouge the fuck out of the common man (or woman) at every single turn. Sound familiar?
We deal with it on a daily basis. Every little thing seems to cause our gas prices to skyrocket with no logical, feasible explanation given while our rate of pay for the jobs we drive to and go home from remains the same. We’re all getting poorer and big oil is rolling around in our money masturbating all over it. Foster is not happy with these prices, especially when 85 cents for a 12 oz. can of soda is a fucking rip off especially by 1993 prices. This turns into an argument when Foster tells the Korean shopkeeper America has been helpful to his country and given millions to foreign aid (and also that if you’re going to come to the USA you should learn to speak English properly). Korean Guy ends up pulling out a baseball bat on Foster for being offensive, which really is not unlike how we’ve taken away “free speech” by acting defensive and claiming we’re “being bullied.” He took out a baseball bat on an unarmed man for wanting to be a smartass to him. Let’s shoot nuclear missiles at ants!
Foster eventually wins the exchange which he compares to “The Last Day on Fiji.” He begins breaking shit with the baseball bat while the Korean Shop Owner tells Foster to “take the money.” Foster responds with “I am not the thief. I’m not the one charging 85 cents for a soda.” He then begins to play a game with this rude human being who quite frankly deserves this: He “rolls back prices to 1985” (Wal-Mart doesn’t have SHIT on Foster) and he asks him the price on items in the store and if the price is too high, Foster breaks it with a baseball bat.
I think we’ve all felt like destroying a display in a store at some point in our lives:
If you don’t want the above display with a baseball bat, you have no soul. After proving his point the Korean Shopkeeper sells the soda for 50 cents instead of 85. This could all have been avoided had he just given the guy change for a dollar. Foster leaves the store in shambles.
Meanwhile the cops are playing jokes on Prendergast since it’s his last day at the office including filling is desk with cat litter. We get to find out a little more about Duvall’s character that he’s basically a desk jockey who is married to a whiney controlling wife, and none of the other cops seem to respect him because of it.
OH GODDAMNIT. It’s Rachel “I wasn’t hot enough for the role I had in Total Recall” Ticotin, sitting around here looking like my aunt as usual and playing the only person on the force that seems to give a fuck about Pendergadst or what he has to say. Ticotin is the ultimate 5/10. I guess this movie doesn’t need sex appeal though so I’ll allow it. Bitch still sucked in the original Total Recall though.
Busy signal. Call waiting was a luxury not all phones had, either. Movies like this should make you all realize you’re spoiled.
Unfortunately Foster is white in a neighborhood where Homies come in LIFE-SIZE and with predispositions towards violence against gringos.
Meanwhile Pendergadst’s wife is calling him at work for no reason even though there’s no problem to whine about a problem that isn’t happening because she needs attention. Basically this is the psychotic neediness of many people in couples these days – an insecurity to the point calls while at a place of employment are being made for a non-emergency non-important reason other than “just to see if he’ll pick up.” It’s immature and stupid and yet even older people do it. The world isn’t ending because I have to work. Maybe I was just too busy to talk, bitch. She DEMANDS to hear an “I LOVE YOU” and then says she doesn’t feel better even when he does. This might be the neediest and spoiled person on earth.
An up-close of the classified ads show us that Foster is clearly not employed and looking for work, which is a problem reaching epidemic levels now in 2012 (Riv's Note: This article was originally written in 2012) due to cutbacks, budget issues, and any number of other excuses thanks to a piss-poor economy that are causing us to have the highest unemployment era we have had in a long time.
Douglas is now approached by Machete Uno and Machete Dos (all violent male Hispanics are now named “Machete” via the L(some cunt)n Act of 2012). The Machetes tell him he’s loitering and trespassing and when he remarks he doesn’t see any signs they point at a graffiti ballsac and tell him that’s the sign and it reads:
THIS IS FUCKING PRIVATE PROPERTY. NO FUCKING TRESSPASSING. THIS MEANS FUCKING YOU.
One day this translation might provide the key to deciphering the hidden meaning of ALL Mexican graffiti in Los Angeles – a language lost to us over millions of years dating back to the ancient times when cave drawings of ballsacs were a message to the white man to STAY AWAY. Foster tells them that “maybe if you wrote it in fucking English I could fucking understand it.”
This was BEFORE Google Translate you spoiled little shits. The Machetes aren’t happy about this and Foster says he apologizes if he’s wandered into their area and they feel offended. He respectfully tells them he wouldn’t want them in his back yard either and he respects that so he will take his leave as to no longer offend them. This is the example of someone calmly and intelligently trying to do the right thing only for it to be shit on by the other party, something which is rampant in this day and age where EVERYBODY wants to be a bad-ass and nobody is. No one wants to start off with an intelligent disagreement (even I’m guilty of it) so ignorance breeds more ignorance breeds escalation breeds violence. These two decide to hold him up for his FUCKING briefcase at knife-point.
These guys get promptly fucking owned by Foster and his bat and he ends up taking their weapon after beating them with the weapon he got in the previous scene which basically makes the premise of Falling Down not unlike the concept behind the popular Mega Man video games.
Back at the station Korean Shop Owner tries to press charges on Foster for theft however since Foster paid for it the police have a hard time believing anything other than vandalism until he claims that the man stole his baseball bat.
Here’s Machete Tres, Machete Cuatro and Puta. Rather than logically realize they should take the ass kicking and fuck off they show us how people can’t let shit go, which is reminiscent of the people who bear multiple year grudges and obsessions with me for stupid shit. What they intended failed so rather than leave they’ll pursue Foster to the ends of the earth because shooting at EVERYONE in an open street with weapons that have a low accuracy rating make A WHOLE LOT OF FUCKING SENSE. That’s sarcasm by the way. I like how Machete Cuatro isn’t even Mexican and has RAZOR BACK on his chest in English.
Meanwhile elsewhere, bitchy wife knows it’s Foster on the other end and basically keeps him from his daughter ON HER BIRTHDAY. Now basically he’s unstable now but he doesn’t seem to be a guy who has a long-standing history of madness. Upon being told NO he pretty much vetoes her decision and says HE IS COMING HOME. His wife, Beth, tells him he doesn’t get to because he doesn’t pay child support (even though it’s been made highly obvious he is currently unemployed). He clearly through his tone of voice and the duress in it is troubled and having a bad day, but rather than be understanding she displays the classic your spouse doesn’t fucking listen problem and pretty much continues to poke the bear with a fucking stick.
The drive-by occurs right after he hangs up and Machete Uno and Dos conveniently hit everyone EXCEPT for Foster with their piss poor 1980s Decepticons-From-Transformers aim.
They even managed to shoot a woman in her ass (I haven’t done that in years and yes I’m talking about something else entirely). While they stood there shooting everyone and not paying attention to the road they end up in a massive car accident which crashes them into an alley way. Only after they crash does Foster realize this attack was meant for him. Foster enters the alley way where everyone lays dead or dying.
Should have used Cheat Codes. Body Armor and that extra 150 health is useful. Foster notices all the weapons and Mega Mans his way to a new toy.
Foster quickly realizes it’s a horribly inaccurate weapon but still shoots Machete Uno in the leg before stealing his guns and telling him “get some shooting lessons, asshole.”
Pendergadst drama continues as the Captain talks to him like a sack of shit. The Captain is played by “that guy who plays the asshole father in everything.” He’s the asshole father in Walk Hard, Justified and even an episode of SVU. He’s the Asshole Captain this time. In fact I’m just going to name him Captain Asshole. It works better. Captain Asshole basically calls Pendergadst a pussy for retiring early. Foster meanwhile decides to walk through a local park since construction workers rudely block his way.
Beth, meanwhile, has called the police on her husband, Foster. The cops ask a few questions and it’s revealed that Beth has a restraining order on her ex-husband, for showing up at the wrong day or at night pounding on the door. She explains that he has a temper. This leads to the following conversation:
Does he drink? No
Does he do drugs? No
Is he violent to you or your child? No.
Conclusion: You’re just an asshole, then.
Even the cops think you’re a real bitch. This is a parallel once again to our current issues in society because we punish people for yelling. It’s the same way we pass children off as “having behavior problems” if they’re loud or shove a kid in school who was mean to them. It’s the same way things we say are misconstrued and turned into “punishable threats.” Basically the guy is being punished for being ANGRY which is a display of how society tries to tell us “you’re not allowed to be upset or express that you’re upset.” When you think about it, shit like this probably is what pushed him over the edge for nothing that was even remotely worth doing this to him over. She responds with “He COULD do those things – SHE THINKS.” And the cop pretty much says it all in his tone of voice that THINKING isn’t doing, or isn’t even the guarantee that anything bad will happen.
Conclusion (again): You’re just an asshole, then.
Meanwhile Foster gets harassed by a guy who says he drove here and got stranded and needs money. Foster asks if he drove here to show his license and the guy says he doesn’t have one. This guy who is complaining about having it rough then goes on to lie and claim he’s a veteran and begs for money so he can eat even though there’s food in his hands. I really find it annoying that so many people beg who aren’t legitimately poor and come to you with your hand out like you owe them something for whatever reason. This problem is rampant everywhere. Even if someone isn’t homeless or a street urchin it feels like all too often we have people who expect us to enslave ourselves for them like we owe them for some horrible trespass.
Reluctantly and finally Foster gives this jackoff his briefcase because carrying a briefcase and a bag is forcing him to become more over encumbered than Fallout 3 and Skyrim combined. All that’s in the bag is lunch, which is what the homeless guy wanted –food, right? He then yells and complains about what he got while Foster walks off. I’m pretty sure the only reason Foster didn’t serve his ass up is because the guy had no weapon for Foster to upgrade to. Meanwhile Puta is being taken in for her involvement in Machete 1-4’s failed drive-by attempt.
She gets grilled by the cops including a black woman with a bad haircut and Machete Cinco. Pendergadst puts together that the same man who assaulted the Korean Shop Owner with the negative attitude. Machete 5 tells Pendergadst to mind his own business and not step on his toes during an interrogation.
Meanwhile Foster is about to experience the WHAMMYBurger. Foster wants breakfast but is told they’re on the lunch menu now and he can’t have any by an overly perky cashier who could probably get the D.
I would give her my Whammy with a side order of secret sauce.
The manager, Rick, however would just get punched in the fucking throat. He doesn’t even have to say or do anything for that punch. He simply earns it by being Rick. Rick decides to tell Foster he’s being difficult for wanting breakfast because they stopped serving breakfast at 11:30, and according to his watch it’s 3 minutes past… he’s been talking to these dipshits for FOUR of those minutes.
This might be nitpicking or a minor annoyance but I have gone to places like McDonalds and Burger King and wanted breakfast and they stopped serving it up to fifteen minutes before it was time to change over and it’s an incredibly douchebag thing to do to the customer. Foster explains that the “customer is always right,” to which Rick replies “that’s not our policy.”
Give Foster some credit. I’d have shot this motherfucker two minutes ago and motorboated Sheila the cashier’s tits in a fit of insane rage. AND had my breakfast TWICE immediately after because the motorboating would cause me to work up an even larger appetite. Foster immediately pulls out his machine gun.
Everyone flips out while Foster holds the place up solely so he can get his breakfast (which is bullshit that they DENY you breakfast since anything extra they just toss out anyway). Whether he legitimately changed his mind, or decided to just throw “difficulty” back in the faces of these asshole peso-workers at WhammyBurger, Foster decides he wants lunch instead and he wants RICK to be the one to get his order. Finally he’s given his lunch and he’s still not happy… why?
Because you get a picture of the above, only to eat the burger below.
He has an absolute point. They show you great food and feed you slop that’s probably made of leftover dead animals they picked up in the dumpster of a veterinary facility.
Sheila isn’t even afraid. She totally wants the D. I’d fuck her with her silly little burger hat on. And THIS is what she looks like now (yes, I Googled it because I am a creep):
9/10 would bang. She’d still have to wear the burger hat though, just for fun. Meanwhile I guess Foster has a new weapon:
That might be the most devastating weapon yet. Meanwhile in the most boring scene ever Pendergadst and My Aunt Rachel Ticotin go to lunch. I wonder what Ticotin looks like damn-near 20 years later:
HOLY FUCK. I forgot she was in Man On Fire when I last saw her and had gone from looking like somebody’s aunt to somebody’s GREAT AUNT. Just say no. I wouldn’t even do it with my worst enemy’s dick. Ticotin is trying to talk Prendergast out of his retirement which he was talked into by his controlling bitchy wife. This is interrupted by Officer Cuntface who is Ticotin’s partner on the force telling them they need to investigate this WhammyBurger situation.
This dude is an amazing, glorious cunt. You can just tell he’s the kind of guy that doesn’t ask for permission before he puts it in her ass and always goes for the “Oops, it Slipped” defense. Pendergadst again says that he’s sure it’s the same guy from the other crimes. Across the street a man protests his being denied a bank loan and tells us he was told he wasn’t ECONOMICALLY VIABLE.
This man is dressed the exact same way as Foster, and almost has the same haircut. He’s just black. The cops then arrest him, just for protesting. Keep in mind they haven't even gotten CLOSE to catching Michael Douglas yet. Poor black guy. At least he’s using the “Is it because I’m NOT ECONOMICALLY VIABLE” defense instead of the “is it because I’m black” defense (although seeing as how the cops got him in 2 seconds and Foster is still on the loose, it's TOTALLY because he is black). Foster decides to buy something at a swap meet across the street.
A pony in a crystal ball. Bitches and little girls LOVE ponies. The cops leave his wife Beth’s home because they’ve wasted almost all day seeing if he will show up. Foster gets accosted by a pushy asshole who is angry he has to wait in line to use the phone. Foster shoots up the phone booth to make it unusable by anyone. That’s like when I stop up the toilet in a public restroom of a place that’s given me poor service to spite the employees. It’s quite effective. Nowadays that’s probably considered a form of bio- terrorism.
More importantly than their arguing is the GIANT ASS that says Sir Mix-A-Lot on it in the background. This is pretty brilliant – as who’s the bigger ass in the picture, The Sir Mix-A-Lot balloon or the guy whining about having to wait to use the phone? Elsewhere Pendergadst’s conversation with Ticotin to try to tie all the cases together is ruined by his bitch wife.
Foster meanwhile is tired of the massive hole in his shoe and decides to stop at an Army-Navy Store to buy replacements where this proprietor yells at some homosexual people to chase them out of his store and offers Foster some “Faggot Stomping” boots. The homosexual couple gets in a confrontation with the very obviously Nazi store owner. The cops meanwhile look for Foster while Pendergadst talks to Puta who reveals that it was a white guy who took “all the guns in the fucking world.”
The shop owner hides Foster from the cops and explains he did it because he realizes that Foster is the hero the White Aryans want because he attacked a Korean, Mexicans, and shot up a fast food chain where lots of black people eat. He mistakes a man’s rant about society sucking to racism which is the common misconception that anyone who speaks out against the social norm is a racist, terrorist, or the favorite word of 2012, “a bully.” That’s a big problem with society. You are grouped in no matter how subtle or how extreme your views are as some sort of lunatic who stands against all that is good in the world. Since when does taking a stand make you the equivalent of a Nazi?
Army Surplus Guy isn’t happy when Foster doesn’t share his passion for Nazi paraphernalia and empty cans of Zyklon-B that were actually used to gas Jews, especially when Foster says that they are not the same because Foster is an American and Army Surplus Guy is a “sick asshole.” Foster says that he is just disagreeing with him, because in America we have the right of freedom of speech and to disagree. We do, but that’s a right that more and more often is being taken away from us because the ability to express oneself without fear of being black bagged in the night in the name of censorship, anti-bullying, whatever - is a dangerous thing.
Automatically Army Surplus Guy accuses Foster of being a “Faggot” puts a gun in his face and forces him to be bent over a table and then tells him about all the “Faggot Shit” he’s going to love in prison then destroys the snow globe he wanted to give his daughter. For a guy that hates homosexuality Army Surplus Guy is very eager to show Foster what happens to “faggots” and gives the clear indication he’s about to rape him because apparently you’re “only gay if you take it.”
As Foster is about to get the BRAZZING of a lifetime, he pauses opens up the menu screen and gets equipped with the switchblade he stole from the Mexicans using that to stab Surplus Guy. From there Foster makes the first (and only) true kill of the film.
He also gets pretty much all the final boss equipment needed to royally fuck shit up.
Elsewhere, Asshole Dad from Everything Ever makes a point at the station that he’s a white man with a tie and a gym bag and thus he could just as easily be the guy they’re looking for therefore Pendergadst is full of shit. He also informs Pendergdast that he’s not even half the boy that his brother was and not even half the boy the top half of his brother was so THE WRONG KID DIED. Oh, sorry wrong movie. This fires Pendergadst up to take to the street and prove he’s a cop. Foster calls his wife again who again tells him he’s not coming to see his daughter. He tells us he’s past the point of no return where it’s longer to go back to the beginning than to continue to the end. She bluffs and says “the cops are here.” Tired of his wife’s bullshit he tells her in some South American countries it’s still legal to KILL your wife if she insults you. She hangs up scared when he tells her “put the cop on the phone if he’s there.” Meanwhile Pendergadst realizes that the Korean’s shop isn’t far from the abandoned car at the start of his day and are ALSO connected to one another.
We find out Foster’s other name from his personalized license plate: D-FENS. D-FENS sounds like a negro rapper name. Other cops appear at Beth’s house meanwhile since the call from her husband compelled her to call them back. Foster or now D-Fens now looks like a fuckin’ GI JOE FROM HELL.
D-FENS, NIGGA. GONNA FUCK WITH SOCIETY’S ISSUES. YOU TRY TO STEP HARD TO MICHAEL DOGULAS, BITCH YOU GONNA LOSE. D-Fens walks through traffic to an area which is heavily jammed due to “construction.”
YOUR TAX DOLLARS at work. D-Fens says the street was fine 2 days ago and he knows this is bullshit. He demands a logical explanation and using his guns makes this guy admit NOTHING is wrong with the street. D-Fens decides these people need something to make them earn their money and a bunch of kids watch ad D-Fens blows up the fucking street with a Rocket Launcher, even giving him pointers they saw on television.
Oh hi Sookie Stackhouse’s Grandma.
Batshit Insane Mom in Everything is D-Fens’ mother and now has to explain his origins to the cops. THE FENS meanwhile decides to take a shortcut through a country club with some old people playing golf on it. Rather than let him alone even the old men try to get “gangsta” on him, with Pink Shirt McStupidHat telling D-Fens to get off his golf course (which is what he is trying to do if you’ll just let him keep fucking walking). The old man tries to wield deadly golf balls with pinpoint accuracy and oddly enough has better aim than the Mexicans at the beginning of the film.
FIVE! D-Fenz pulls out a shotgun from his “bag o’fun” and basically lectures these two for being massive pieces of shit then shoots their golf cart causing the rude one to have a collapse. To make matters worse his heart pills were in the cart which is now plummeting towards the lake thus making him D-Fens’ second kill, albeit this one was indirect.
As the man gasps for breath, dying D-Fens informs him that he’s now going to die wearing that stupid little hat…
HOW DOES IT FEEL? The moral of the story is if you see Michael Douglas walking through your land, DO NOT TRY TO STOP HIM UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WHATSOEVER. D-Fens’ story is being explained to the cops by his mother. D-Fens was an employ at the Defense Planet, No-Tek before he was laid off. His mother has no idea he was laid off. She explains that he just dinner silently and that his anger has been overwhelming and she is afraid. Elsewwhere D-Fens has cut his hands on the barbed wire fence and yells at the family on the other side who doesn’t live in the house but are just caretakers when the doctor is away who snuck in and had a family barbecue… the doctor who makes all sorts of money is of course a plastic surgeon. D- Fens tells his sad story to these people of how he wanted his life to turn out. Meanwhile the cops leave his ex-wife’s home again because they’re tired of this bitch wasting their time by calling them back over constantly. D-Fens calls his wife again because he’s nearby and she runs for it. He makes a bee-line back home once he’s hung up on and just barely misses his ex-wife and kid. He ends up in the house, alone, watching home movies of happier times when his daughter was just a baby. Pendergadst puts it all together and as he’s about to leave his wife whines about the cat scratching her and says she’s “bleeding to death.” He gets stern with her and finally tells her to shut up and he will not get home until he is finished. And HAVE DINNER WAITING FOR ME WHEN I GET HOME. AND LEAVE THE SKIN ON THE CHICKEN. Bitch got fuckin’ owned. As Pendergasst is trying to leave to go to the case the cops throw him a going away party with cake and a stripper. They should have had the chick from the Whammyburger strip instead. He says he can’t stay and Cuntface Cop disses Pendergasst’s wife. He gets decked on the way out as he and Ticotin go to take down D-Fens who is watching video of all his daughter’s birthdays. You can start to see on video how his sanity began to fade a little more every year. He realizes however where his wife and daughter went. He manages to shoot (but sadly not kill) Ticotin as he escaped out of the back door.
Beth and Adele, the daughter, get caught. Adele seems totally stoked to see her father. It’s clearly obvious she is not afraid nor shares her mother’s sentiment that her father is a bad man which makes you begin to think “would it really have been so bad?”
D-Fens is finally broken as he reminds his wife that “till Death do us part” is something he takes seriously while she tells him to “leave them alone.” Despite their marriage issues the bottom line is that while they may have a shitty relationship his relationship with his daughter was not tainted or ruined. He puts his guns down just to see his daughter. All he wanted to do was get home to her and she even tells him not to cry. His wife informs him he’s sick and needs help. no shit he’s sick and needs help but I’m pretty sure being unsupportive and unwilling to help and bailing on the guy while his sanity faded didn’t make anything better. We live in a society where it’s become more and more acceptable to run when the going gets tough. “When the going gets tough, quit” has become a motto for living in 2012. And it was still pretty bad then – one has to wonder had his wife been insistent on him getting help instead of telling him he could never see the only thing that kept him holding on left in the world (his daughter) ever again and generally being a cunt would have prevented him from having a nervous fucking breakdown leading to the events of the entire film. Am I saying he’s right? No, he is terribly incorrect. However, I am saying that maybe if those in his life hadn’t been so swift to turn his back on him he would not have become the psychotic monster he has transformed into during the course of this movie.
Pendergadst, however, has found them. He tries to talk Foster off the ledge. He tells his own story of how he had a daughter and lost her to SIDS which doesn’t make sense to him because how could a 2 year old girl have died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome? Foster is disarmed and his ex-wife tosses D-Fens’ gun into the water as she snatches her daughter and runs off. Pendergadst claims he’s sure that D-Fens was ready to kill his ex-wife, his child and then himself, which “guys like him always do.” Foster realizes he’s “the bad guy,” and doesn’t understand how it happened or got to this point. He doesn’t understand – how did he become the villain when he did everything “THEY” (society) told him to? This is pretty spot on. Someone can do everything in life right – live to the strictest of “doing the right thing” and still end up being villanized, being used up, and left with nothing – left with LESS than nothing and a feeling of complete emptiness. Sometimes all you have to show for doing the “right thing” is nothing at all. Pendergadst tells him essentially “shit happens” and that he had no right to do the things he did today and the only thing making him special is that little girl. I think he knows that and I think that his journey to find her represents his need to return to the one thing on earth that wasn’t corrupted and destroyed and didn’t see him as a piece of shit. Sometimes that’s all we need in life, are those who love us truly and unconditionally. In this regard, D-Fens/Foster is a tragic character.
D-Fens realizes it is over. He says he has one more gun. He tries to get Pendergadst to “draw.” It’s a perfect day to have a “show down.” Foster doesn’t want to let his little girl see him behind the glass of a prison because he realizes that if he dies this way his little girl will get the insurance.
He draws on three and gets shot by Pendergadst while pulling out a water gun. “I would’ve got you” he says as his final words before dying. Pendergadst tells Beth to celebrate the birthday like everything is ok and not break the news to Foster’s daughter that he’s dead until tomorrow. The movie ends with a video of happier times.
Ultimately Falling Down is an amazing movie when you realize it’s a lot deeper than some guy’s nervous breakdown and that all of the things he rages against are things that chances are strong have pissed you off in the course of a normal, average day in your life, or things that piss you off every day. Is there the potential to snap in all of us? Probably. As life wears us down, beats us into the ground and as we give more than we get back ANYBODY could lose their mind and become “D-Fens.” Would it be right? No. Would it be justified? Probably not. Would it make you feel better to stick it to society? Yes, but no matter what in the end YOU LOSE. Is that what stops us standing up against things wrong with the world? The fact it’s a “losing effort?” And really, what makes up for it? Love? I still stand by the belief that had Foster had the constants that were a part of his life remain that way he wouldn’t have gone off the deep end. He became a man who had nothing to lose, nothing to gain but nothing to live for. Despair will always lead to bad things – so think about that when the people in your life are having a rough time – sometimes just a little understanding could stop them going off the deep end. At the very least we can all agree that “85 cents for a stinkin’ soda” really is too high. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go for a “little walk.”