Since I haven’t updated content in a while I guess I might as well do an NXT recap, right? Last week Adrian Neville gave Tyson Kidd one more shot at the NXT championship. When Tyson Kidd tried to take the low road and cheat, Natalya, Tyson’s wife, got involved and prevented him from doing so. This cost Kidd the match and he now returns to the bowels of being simply “Natalya’s Husband.” Clearly Natalya likes her husband being a second-class citizen, relegated to being nothing more than her purse carrier.
This is the face a guy makes when his girlfriend wants him to watch the Notebook or Twilight or some stupid shit like that. I wonder how many guys are going to end up on the unfortunate end of the stick and having to watch 50 Shades of Grey the movie – hint for women, by the way: if you take your boyfriend to see that film, you’re leaving that film single because no self-respecting male is going to put up with your crap.
JBL the General Manager of NXT is in the back staring at Nattie’s tits. Nattie suggests JBL make Natalya’s Husband and Sami Zayn into a tag team. What team is that? “Team NEVER getting the NXT Title?” JBL likes the idea but only because he is hypnotized by her tits. We cue the NXT intro and move on.
NXT is starting off with Sasha Banks of the BFFs in singles action. This faction is falling apart quickly because both Charlotte and Summer Rae want to be the leader of the group. Sasha is taking on Alexa Bliss. This should be interesting as Bliss hasn’t had many matches on NXT as of yet but has been impressive so far. Sasha is just… Ugh. I don’t really like “The Boss” gimmick in her cheap “came out of a vending machine outside a supermarket” jewelry and ugly jacket. Alexa runs circles around Banks but Sasha takes control of the match after a backbreaker. The pace of the match slows from here as Sasha uses a surfboard stretch on Bliss.
Here’s one of those shots my friend Curtis would appreciate due to the fact he’d sit there and stare at the shape and definition of Alexa Bliss’ vagina. Outside Summer and Charlotte begin to argue and shove each other. Sasha is distracted by her BFFs fighting and gets rolled up by Bliss who gets a win. Charlotte and Summer begin slapping each other and Sasha shoves them both which causes her to start getting shoved around.
Aiden English is multiplying. Aiden English 2 and Aiden English 1 are now the Vaudevillains and want the tag team championships. They let out an evil laugh and an “EXCELSIOR.” William Regal cums in his pants at the creation of this team.
Oh no, it’s Mojo Rawley. Why won’t he die? It looks like whichever program involved Rusev murdering him has been dropped so Mojo can yell about HYPE over and over and squash no-name job guys (who I still believe in actuality are food delivery boys Bill DeMott paid off with contracts instead of actually paying for food).
Oh wait, that’s Garrett Dylan who recently got re-signed to NXT. Did Scott Dawson die? I was finally starting to warm up to the Dawson/Dylan team when Dylan got released, Dawson got injured, and Sylvester LeFort began to get anally slaughtered by Mason Ryan on a weekly basis. Also PLEASE REHIRE DANNY BURCH KTHX. Surprisingly Garrett Dylan gets A LOT of offense in during this match but gets taken out by Rawley’s stupid “Sit On Your Face” finisher.
Here is Eden Stiles a.k.a Brandi Runnells. I wonder if Cody Rhodes has banged her wearing the Stardust attire yet. She informs us Tyler Breeze is in the building.
I feel like these guys should drive a panel van and spill paint on kids. Oh, the other guy is named Simon Gotch and if you haven’t figured it out they have a black and white old-style camera entrance. They also have “silent film” music to match. I wonder if the NXT cleaning crew gets extra for cleaning the white mess at Regal’s feet. The Vaudevillains are taking on Angelo “nobody cares about me” Dawkins and Travis Tyler (aka “Titty”). Simon Gotch begins doing one-hand pushups on top of Dawkins. The crowd is loving Aiden English and Simon Gotch, so I assume a face-turn is on the way for these guys.
After the Vaudevillains squash “generic NXT jobbers,” Colin Cassady tells Devin Taylor something is missing, and introduces her to his finger. I wonder if that finger has ever been up her ass hole.
Up next is Kalisto in singles action, with no El Local/Ricardo Rodriguez to be found. Kalisto is taking on Tyler Breeze and his ridiculous music. I’ll admit the ridiculous music is over the top but I miss the original theme.
The entrance is still exceptionally ridiculous and thus it is still highly amusing. Fortunately Kalisto is allowed to showcase his abilities despite the fact Breeze is slated to win because “he’s the number 1 contender” and has to look strong. I’d like to think that if not for the angle they’d have given Kalisto the win and to be fair Kalisto is more impressive than Tyler Breeze. Breeze wins after a lengthy match with his finisher the Beauty Shot and proceeds to leave the building so he can be balls deep in Audrey Marie.
Up next Natalya’s Husband and Sami Zayn take on the Ascension. I hate Sami Zayn’s new music by the way. Natalya’s Husband decides to leave Zayn by himself to fight both the Ascension members. The Ascension makes short work of Zayn, Husband officially turns heel and… I guess we have a feud for him now.
This wasn't a bad episode of NXT and certainly not the worst. I've definitely endured worse, and I'm interested to see the continued development of Kalisto, the Vaudevillains and the new founded anger within the Husband of Natalya. Good job, WWE.