Well kids, we've almost to the end of our three part journey through the crap we'll be throwing money at over the next year. All we have left is Konami, and Nintendo. So lets get right into things with Konami.
Unfortunately, Konami was having some technical difficulties. It took me a LOT of searching, and I had to go through a few foreign language sites but I finally hunted down the full footage of the press conference which we can all watch together here:
Okay, in reality Konami no-showed their own presentation. Or it was scheduled but never actually existed. Either way nothing happened. They usually have a pre-recorded thing with a Mega 64 cameo early on every year, so who knows what the fuck happened.
Konami Final Grade: F-
I guess you could argue it shouldn't be scored as low since you can't be as disappointed if there's nothing to be disappointed about, but fuck it. I suppose that leaves us with Nintendo.
Like Konami used to be, Nintendo has opted to go with pre-recorded Nintendo Direct presentations instead of an elaborate stage show. So it'll likely be a shorter show than the others, but it generally contains some good stuff, so lets dig in.
We begin our story with an episode of Robot Chicken? Uh... alright. This then transitions into Reggie Fils-Amie fighting President Iwata in real life. Is this some sort of weird fever dream? Eventually they get to the point that this to lead into them fighting each other as Mii's in Super Smash Bros for the 3DS, and Wii U. At one point Iwata places a Mario toy similar to the ones used in Skylanders, and Disney Infinity on the controller and summons a super powered version of Mario. I think that bodes ill for the future, but we'll hang in there.
We get two announcements here. The first is that the Mii Fighter is a new playable character in SSB, and has three different customizable classes you can choose from for your Miis to keep them all different. You can either be a hand-to-hand martial artist, a sword fighter, or a Mega Man/Samus-esq gunner. This is fine. The second announcement is that I was right, and that they're introducing their own line of money-farming toys required to fully explore the game you just spent over sixty dollars on already. The toy line will be known as Amiibo. The one upside I can take from them is that you can use them as sort of like a memory card, which can build up your characters sometimes. Still, they need to fuck off with this money farming bullshit.
The news gets more pleasant quickly as we transition into a game called Yoshi's Wooly World. A game which like the recent Kirby game, is completely made out of Yarn, where the world reacts much like yarn would. The game also looks like it plays like Yoshi's Island, and if you can excuse the annoying sound effect when baby Mario gets knocked off you they're all pretty damn fun. Following this we have what looks like a Super Mario 3D Land spin off starring Toad called Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker. I'm not really sure when Toad achieved the rank of captain, but I guess we'll just have to go with it.
Next we get the announcement that there will be a brand new Legend of Zelda game for the Wii U in 2015. We see a still shot of the game, which features some impressive graphics and wind effects. Looks kind of like watercolor pastel Skyrim or something. Unfortunately that's about all the info we get before we transition into the announcement for the next double pack of Pokemon games for the 3DS. We don't really learn much about them, but they are called Pokemon: Omega Red, and Pokemon: Alpha Sapphire.
Bayonetta 2 is shown next, which also will feature Bayonetta 1 as part of the package. Also features unique costumes for the main character to look like Peach, Link, and Samus. I played a little bit of the first, but it didn't really draw me in. Hyrule Warriors is up next, where they reveal that in addition to Link: Zelda, Midna, and Impa will all be playable. I'm pretty sure I saw somewhere that Gannondorf was actually gonna be playable as well, but it hasn't been announced yet. I've never played a Dynasty Warriors game before, but it at least looks fun in a chaotic sort of way.
A very quirky looking new Kirby game is shown next. Graphically it resembles a claymation movie. I don't recall them mentioning the title of the game, but when I was looking for the video later I saw it listed as Kirby and the Rainbow Curse. Following this a very weird Japanese anime-ish trailer is shown which ends up being Xenoblade Chronicles X. I never played the original, but I've heard it's a very good RPG.
Next up we have Mario Maker. A concept game in which you design your own levels for Super Mario Bros, and play through them. Presumably you can upload them so other people can play as well. The levels can be played in real time and you can select the graphical style, so you can have it be 8-bit like the original game, or have it be more HD-ish like the newer New Super Mario Bros Wii U game. It looked neat enough, but like with any user content based game you have a 50/50 shot of the content being absolute shit.
The last actual game trailer we get is for a game known as Splatoon. This game is a eight man four versus four deathmatch game. Except instead of killing each other the idea is to spray globs of paint everywhere and have your teams paint cover more of the stage than the other team before the timer runs out. The characters all seem to be weird anthro versions of Blooper from Mario, and you can hide inside of the ink for strategy. It looked fun enough, but it also seemed out of left field. Not sure if I would have ended with this, honestly.
The last teaser we get is the announcement of a new Smash Bros character: Paulatina. Paulatina is the princess from the Kid Icarus line of games. I don't really know anything about her aside from the fact her interests are getting kidnapped, and having green hair. I should mention I've yet to play the 3DS game that game out semi-recently, and the original NES game isn't exactly filled to the brim with story.
Nintendo Final Grade: B-
I found it very debatable concerning who won between Nintendo, and Microsoft. A lot of MS's stuff was multi-platform marketed as being their own junk, while almost all of what Nintendo would have shown would have been totally exclusive. We got a huge announcement for a Zelda game, but they didn't have anything to show us really. Meanwhile Microsoft got Tomb Raider, which was a big deal for me at least. Overall I'd say I enjoyed watching Nintendo the most, but if I didn't already personally own a 3DS, and a Wii U I'm not sure I'd be compelled to run out and get one.
With that we come to an end to the E3 presentations for this year. Keep in mind there will be some other game announcements floating around over the next two days or so with games that didn't quite fit into the presentations due to a lack of time to cram everything in (Nintendo at least stated they had at least one, or two things that they still had to drop on us). You, however, can find that extra shit your own damn selves. I've slept so little during the past 48 hours I feel like I'm running on fumes.
So right. Fuck off then.