So finally after a difficult couple of days, I get to sit down and watch NXT. I don’t think that makes it better. In fact it’s probably the cherry on top of the sh-t sundae. In all seriousness while I watch and sometimes enjoy wrestling, sometimes getting through it is a chore, especially when you’ve got so much else going on. While I would rather sit here and read Fables comics, I guess some of you enjoy my recaps and I don’t want to deprive you of that. Of course if you enjoy them feel free to throw a few bucks my way via paypal at firstname.lastname@example.org because site hosting isn’t free.
Triple H is already in the ring when we open NXT to make an announcement. HHH begins talking about how the line between NXT and WWE is getting blurred and mentions the Shield, Big E (Langston, because I guess HHH doesn’t mind allowing a black man a last name whereas Vince does; that’s because back in Vince’s youth black people didn’t have names and called white people “massa.”), The Wyatts, Damien Sandow (who has been relegated to dressing like Magneto and getting killed on television), Cesaro all being on NXT. HHH even denotes how Paige has become the new Divas champion and how it feels like NXT is taking over the world so on May 29th we’re having another live 2 hour special on the WWE Network: NXT Takeover.
We open up with Tyson Kidd. Kidd’s existence on NXT is the most confusing thing to me in the WWE, as he’s not a Yoshi Tatsu or some guy who should be stuck in the lower tier – when we have an Intercontinental Title tournament on RAW and a U.S. Title that is almost NEVER defended, and a guy who has been in the WWE for years and in the prime of his career like Kidd, the guy should probably be competing for a mid-card title belt as opposed to being relegated to NXT and Total Divas. Also I’ve never understood why Natalya managed The Great Khali for a long period of time instead of Kidd.
Oh my f-cking God. This… this is the greatest thing ever – although I miss the old entrance theme of Bo Dallas. Bo Dallas makes his way to the ring in his BO-LIEVE shirt.
In response to Bo’s entrance we see Tyson Kidd make a face which pretty much sums up everything I just said about him rolled into ONE facial expression – here’s a guy that’s been busting his ass since puberty to be a top guy in wrestling… and he’s about to get jumped over by a creepy Peter Pan-sound-a-like who looks like an ugly lesbian. That being said, I love Bo Dallas’ gimmick and I BOLIEVE.
I’m still going to miss his other entrance theme, which is my current cellular phone ringtone.
I love the fact someone has a “Know More Bo” sign.
How did this guy who nobody could stand become the most hilarious thing going in the WWE? It’s the power of the video package. It cannot be denied. I’m pretty sure WWE’s promotional video team could make Hitler a likeable guy if they just put the right promo videos together for him. There are even dueling “LET’S GO TYSON, LET’S GO BO” chants. Bo shoulderblocks Kidd down and gives him a thumbs up telling him to “Don’t stop BOLIEVING” during the match. A “TOTAL DIVAS” chant starts. If Total Divas had a championship Tyson and Nattie’s cat would probably get it before Tyson did. The guy just flat out deserves better. Tyson fires up, stomps away on Bo, mocks his thumbs up, hits a snap suplex and goes to the top rope but Bo slides outside of the ring. Tyson gives chase but Bo gets an advantage and now takes control of the match. The crowd starts singing “He’s Got the Whole World In his Hands,” a reference to Bo’s real life brother, Bray Wyatt. One thing I notice in this match is that Bo has stepped his game up, and that could be partially because it’s near impossible to have a bad match with Kidd, and partially because he realizes he needs to get better in the ring to match the push he’s been given. After a lot of back and forth between both men, Kidd manages to win the match with the Blockbuster. Decent starting match and the crowd was really into it, which is something you always want in the matches on the show. After the match Bo begins yelling to everyone that his shoulder was up, visibly angered about this turn of events. Bo Dallas demands a replay.
Bayley now has those things that wave around outside of every used car lot in the country in her entrance. Those things creep me the hell out.
Here is Bayley with her mouth open. Someone will probably fap to this but such is life. This is the first round of the NXT Women’s Title tournament. Her opponent is Sasha Banks.
Charlotte, who is also in the tournament accompanies Sasha to the ring. It looks like the two ladies are no longer carrying the decapitated head of Summer Rae to the ring. I’ve seen the BFFs vs. Bayley way too often which is probably a sign they need to diversify the NXT women’s division. After a pretty standard match, Sasha hits her finisher, Bankrupt, followed by a backstabber, followed by a clutch to put Bayley away to advance in the tournament.
We come back and it is time for one of Adam Rose’s parties.
YES! IT’S DANNY BURCH, who, as always HAS NOT been invited to Adam Rose’s parties. For those who haven’t been keeping up every week on Asked Wrestling we give Danny Burch a new gimmick. This week we gave Danny Burch a gimmick which was the EXACT OPPOSITE of Adam Rose.
I feel partially responsible for this match. I do not however take any responsibility for Danny Burch’s recent release from NXT. I do feel he needs another chance to shine though, so feel free to spam Dixie Carter of TNA with the #HIREDANNYBURCH tag until she does it.
I wonder WHY Danny Burch does not get invited to the party. Is it because of his penis-shaped head? I want him to win this match badly, though. I think the stipulation should be if he wins he gets to come to the party. Poor Danny Burch has to endure the WE ARE ROSEBUDS chants, and among the audience not a single DANNYLION.
See, WWE universe? You went and hurt Danny Burch’s feelings, YA MUNGS! He’s going to block you all now! In honor of Danny Burch’s final match (which he inevitably loses to Adam Rose), here is The Best of Q Lancaster’s tweets about Danny Burch:
After the match Camacho clotheslines one of the party-goers putting an end to the music and the party and earning himself a PARTY POOPER chant. Danny Burch despawns like a dead enemy from a video game and is never seen again. After a break we get Natalya taking on Layla. Natalya also cuts a promo before-hand trying to assure us the NXT Women’s title isn’t a demotion. Layla comes out here with her Fandango music and gear. We are told the winner goes on to Sasha Banks which pretty much assures Natalya will advance here.
The most important thing about this match is Layla’s tights are very small and really show off her ass perfectly. Layla is eventually defeated with the Sharpshooter to allow Natalya a somewhat predictable advancement in the tournament.
Oliver Grey, a former NXT Tag Champion (who is now released) is in full Jannetty with jobber music and nothing to do other than job tonight. Grey exhibits some heel tendencies. He’s also about to job to Cocaine Man Mojo Rawley. He looks almost as miserable as Danny Burch and I wonder if they’re booked on the same flight back to England.
I hate Mojo Rawley. That is all. After Mojo kills Oliver Grey, Aiden English comes to the ring and tells us he has made a decision to stop suffering fools and he is done suffering Mojo Rawley. He demands Mojo steps off the stage and leaves this performance. Aiden then tries to jump Mojo only to be thwarted. Ugh. I wish English had executed Mojo gangland style.
Up next. Brodus Clay takes on Adrian Neville once again. Last week he knocked 3 teeth out of Adrian Neville’s head. The week before that he lost Neville, but via count-out. Their first encounter wasn’t bad.
Neville (with teeth already replaced) is ready to take on Brodus Clay and he looks pissed. You’d be pissed too if your entire top front row of teeth got knocked out. The commentators mention that Neville felt a count-out victory is unbecoming so he wanted this match. Neville dumps Brodus out of the ring immediately and lunges to the outside immediately then begins kicking the crap out of Brodus. The bell hasn’t even rung yet. We’re also told this match is no disqualification. Neville kicks Brodus into oblivion and the match finally officially starts. Neville quickly goes for the Red Arrow but Brodus is already back up so he thinks better of it and dropkicks Brodus Clay in the corner. Finally Brodus gets back up and now Neville is in trouble as he gets tied to the tree of woe, crashed into and then dumped into the center of the ring with a fallaway slam. Brodus elbows Neville on the ground, goes for a cover but doesn’t get the pin. Brodus begins to deliver clubbing blows in the back and this match is looking like Roots in reverse. Neville finally breaks out of one of Brodus’ holds and chop blocks each knee of Brodus once before dropkicking him in the head. Brodus counters by shoving Neville into the ropes and hitting him with a headbutt when Neville bounces off of them. Brodus follows with a power bomb and climbs do the second rope, hitting a big splash but somehow Neville finds the power to kick out and Brodus Clay begins to get frustrated. Brodus now grabs the NXT title belt but may have given Neville too much time to recover – he sizes up Neville and rushes him with the belt but gets kicked down by Neville and hit with the red arrow with the belt on top of him. Neville gets the win. Not a bad match, although I question the use of the belt when you have a ring bell and chairs everywhere. The belt seems like the least dangerous weapon for Brodus to have gone for. Still, excellent win for Neville in a brief but entertaining match to close out tonight’s NXT. Although NXT will never be the same without #DANNYBURCH around here.