WWE NXT Is Riv (April 10th, 2014)

Time to bring NXT recapping back from the dead – judging by RAW this past Monday, NXT’s stock is only going to go up from here considering that multiple NXT talents are being geared to debut on the main roster – Paige has won the WWE Diva’s Title, Adam Rose and Bo Dallas have debut videos, and much to my dismay Alexander Rusev is on the main roster now as well.

Even NXT has been labelled already in memory of the Ultimate Warrior.  We discussed him at the start of Episode 202 of Asked this week, and the mysterious circumstances surrounding his death, eye-witness accounts of him at the Hall of Fame, Wrestlemania, and RAW, and also discussed the controversy of Nancy Grace blindly accusing his death as being “steroid-related.”  It was a good time in the face of a tragedy, so be sure to listen to it.

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We start off with the giant party which signals Adam Rose.  I’m waiting until someone gets roofied at said party and it gets shut down. 

I will say it is incredible how one simple change in gimmick can change a guy from doomed to the NXT mid-card to “on the verge of being called up.”  The Adam Rose Experience really seems to be catching on with the audiences.  Leo Kruger only caught on with me because I’m kind of a creep.

Rose’s opponent is the “New Face of Down Syndrome” Danny Burch who I insulted a few times before in this recap and ended up having an argument with his girlfriend.  I wonder how that relationship works.  Is it like the girl who feels sorry for Rocky Dennis in Mask?  I guess I should hang my head because I’m not getting laid and Danny Burch is but if I had to choose between “not getting laid” or “getting laid but having a head that looks like it belongs to Michael Berryman from The Hills Have Eyes,” I think I would take the “not getting laid.”

Danny Burch probably should be working at McDonalds instead of wrestling Adam Rose.  Not one person cares Burch is here, and Rose continues to mock Burch doing the bicycle in between the ropes and kicking him down.  Rose shoulderblocks Burch down and goes for another cover.  Arm-drag takedown and Rose keeps Burch down.  The crowd is completely behind Adam Rose. He could stand around and do nothing and still gain momentum.  The match is relatively brief and Rose puts Burch away with a big splash. 

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Whoever decided Tensai should be a commentator should be shot. Oh, excuse me, his name is Jason Albert now.  And who the hell is this Rich Brennan nerd?  Where is Tom Phillips? 

For some reason Devin Taylor is interviewing a referee about Sami Zayn vs. Corey Graves. For some reason she looks like she’s been cock-slapped repeatedly in the face for the past six hours.  That’s probably more accurate than I realize. The referee explains that he stopped the match because he had to put Sami Zayn’s safety first.

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A few cock-slaps later Taylor interviewed Graves regarding the controversial victory over Zayn.  A win is a win, the way I see it so why is this even an issue?  Graves tries to hit on Taylor and takes offense at the fact that people would think the victory doesn’t count.  He says what I just typed “a win is a win.”  Exactly!  Doesn’t matter how you get the win just that you did.

Bo Dallas is finally coming out as a homosexual?  Good for him! 

Up next is a Bayley match. I decide to take a screen capture where you can get a good look at her ass. That thing is nice.  The crowd loves her and starts a Bayley chant as she hits the ring.  Her opponent is Sasha.  I feel like we have seen this so many times I don’t even care.

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Charlotte accompanies Sasha Banks to the ring and still has Summer Rae’s Head on a Stick.  With Fandango dropping Summer Rae for Layla it looks like we’re on the verge of that Summer Rae face-turn I mentioned.  It’s only a matter of time before the BFFs decide Summer bailed when she became a “Total Diva.”  Charlotte and Sasha are on some momentum since they have unofficially debuted at Wrestlemania 30 as part of HHH’s entrance.  Sasha is looking like less of a mess lately.  Looks like her makeup quality and wardrobe have gone up from the point in which the heel “Boss” gimmick began.  I wish I could say I cared much about this match but NXT is going to have to bring some new women into the fold.  Bayley vs. BFFs every week is somewhat getting tiring and doesn’t seem to be reaching any sort of conclusion or climax, unless you count the climax of the men who are busy fapping to Bayley.  It’s a brief match that ends in the Bayley to Bayley Suplex. 

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No. No thank you.  Mojo’s hype gimmick bores and annoys me.  Mojo’s general existence annoys me.  I wish they would bring back Heidenreich, the unsuccessful Paul Heyman guy whose claim to fame was “raping Michael Cole” due to the fact his debut involved him screaming “NO HYPE!  NO HYPE!” while murdering Josh Mathews.  I just want him to scream NO HYPE and systemtically end Mojo Rawley on principle.

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Sylvester LeFort is on his way to the ring to be squashed by Mojo.  They have no idea what to do with this guy – one minute he’s a manager, one minute he’s a wrestler.  One minute the people he is managing are healthy, the next they are severely injured or fired.  This guy has pretty much been doomed out of the gate.  I’m waiting for the day Mojo Rawley runs so fast he can’t put on the breaks and runs straight off the ramp or straight into the ring without being able to stop.  I hate to agree with Alex Riley on anything but he says that he is getting a migrane from Mojo Rawley’s general existence.  In fact THIS is how Mojo Rawley makes me feel:

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Mojo wins in a super short match with the Hyper Drive, which involves smashing his ass into his opponent.  Since Alexander Rusev is getting everything Brodus deserves on the main roster, Brodus is back down here on NXT and his music hits as he makes his way to the ring.

Brodus has proven himself time and time again and It is a shame his heel turn wasn’t used to its fullest extent.  He looks sincerely miserable.  He decides to powerbomb LeFort after the match and hit a splash from the second turnbuckle onto LeFort.  I assume the reason LeFort is being flattened is because he is French and nobody likes the French.  Brodus says that he saw NXT Arrival and saw HHH and Cena endorse Adrian Neville and he has given blood sweat and tears to the WWE for years and those guys never looked in his direction.  He’s pissed about it.  Brodus is calling out Adrian Neville because he refuses to be held back anymore.  This could be interesting.  Neville makes his way out to the ringside area to respond to Brodus’ challenge.

Neville explains that for a Main Event Player, Brodus does a lot of complaining moaning and whining.  He Neville adds that unlike Brodus he hasn’t wasted his opportunities.  Brodus replies saying for a little dog Neville has a big bark.  Neville responds with saying he thought Brodus would be taller.  Even in his street clothing Neville wants to lock up but Brodus Clay steps away. 

Not to be forgotten Neville’s former partner, Oliver Gray is backstage being interviewed. 

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A wild Suit-Camacho appears and doesn’t allow Gray to say anything before saying “There is a poser among us.”  Does he mean Gray or does he mean himself since he is an islander posing as a Mexican?  He means Adam Rose.  Camacho says life isn’t about party rocking and he has sacrificed everything to survive one more day.  This is hilarious considering Camacho is a second generation guy (the son of the legendary Haku) so he hasn’t had to struggle THAT much.  I do like Camacho showing us his mic skills and even a bit of a change of character here, though.  They should really just let him be himself at this point.  Grey wants a one on one with Camacho for interrupting him saying it would be a fitting way for him to return.  Camacho storms off.  I assume this is our match for next week.  We get a look at the Wrestlemania stars during Axxess weekend next and I decide to hit the fast forward on it. 

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The Great Khali. No thank you.

What is even happening here?

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I… I give up.  You would too since CJ Parker begins talking about the size and amount of dumps the Great Khali takes.  This is the type of thing that causes Benoit-inspired double-murder suicides.  Up next only ONE MAN can save us:

Its time to BO-LIEVE.  Most people hate him and will just BO-LEAVE at this point.  This guy has been growing on me just because he’s such a weird creepy little thing and I can’t help but laugh at his general existence.  Bo Dallas tells us that it is STILL Bo Time but the voices of the Bolievers will not be silenced.  Bo Dallas begins to talk about the YES movement and Daniel Bryan occupying RAW despite being a B+ player.  Bo Dallas wants a shot and he says the BO MOVEMENT is here.  So all of his Bo-lievers are going to gather here tonight and members of the BO MOVEMENT shall now join Bo Dallas in the ring to OCCUPY NXT.  Instead an entire several row of people stand up and turn their backs to Bo Dallas.  Others chant “no.”  Bo Dallas is infuriated because he gave these people cookies.  Yes, he legitimately yells this at them.  Bo begins screaming that he was their champion and that this stinks.  Bo leaves the ring yelling and feeling betrayed by the NXT universe.  He loved them.  They were his Bo-lievers.  He would have done anything for them. 

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I actually feel somewhat sorry for Bo Dallas.   He begins crying as we hit commercials.  I feel sorry for him in the way you feel sorry for a retard that has been denied a Happy Meal at McDonalds.  JBL makes his way to the ringside area. 

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JBL isn’t even sure what he would do with a ring full of Bolievers.  JBL says this is the worst attempt at OCCUPY he has ever seen because Bo doesn’t have enough people to occupy a seesaw in the middle of the ring.  Since he wants to fight though JBL is willing to oblige and sends Justin Gabriel (he’s still employed?) our here to take on Dallas.  Gabriel finally has an entrance theme that doesn’t sound exceptionally gay.  Still generic, though.  This crowd chants we want cookies while this match begins although it’s rather slow paced in the early going.  The match sort of stays slow, and kind of dull to be honest.  Bo drops Gabriel with a double arm DDT to win the match. 

Finally the creepy smile is back on the face of Bo Dallas as we close this episode of NXT.  This one felt somewhat like filler, but I guess they can’t be all top of the line shows and as stated before we have many of these guys on the way out of NXT and onto the main roster.  Next week?  We have CJ Parker vs. The Great Khali, so I have very low expectations for that program.  See you next week.