For anyone who doesn’t know Riv, can I please have your life? About a year ago I was contacted by Asked with Riv and Landin to get interviewed on their podcast. Since then I’ve become homeless and broke. I blame all of this on Riv, not because he’s a scumbag, but because Landin is white so I can’t blame him. I want to share with the world why Riv sucks.
Riv is Spanish, but not even the kind you can tell. I love Spanish people, they can dance, they know how to eat and they will drink all night, but not Riv. Riv is like a white trash hill billy who stayed a little bit too long in the tanning bed and let his hair grow out. The only Spanish thing about Riv is that he’s greasy and unmotivated. I know right now you’re thinking Spanish people are hard workers, but not the second generation.
Rivs likes Wrestling. F*ck Landin on this topic too. F*ck everyone who likes wrestling. I could go on and on for hours about why wrestling is terrible, but everyone already knows the reasons. This is why wrestling is the worst, because everyone knows it sucks and is gay but it doesn’t stop them from watching this homoerotic soap opera. I would gladly punch any wrestling fan in the neck if I wasn’t afraid they’d bite me with their smashed up teeth.
Rivs Chin. This is the worst part about Riv and I have no reason to understand why. Landin has a shit chin too, the type that makes you want to punch him in it as many times as you can before his steroid filled head pops like a balloon in a carnival game, but Rivs chin is especially terrible. Riv isn’t a completely awful fat shit, but his chin is. He’s got a sasquatch chin that instead of making you want to hit it, you just want to take a picture of the freakshow. Its also got one of those chin strap facial hair things that says “This is where my jaw line was when I didn’t eat 5000 calories a day”.
In summation, this took me 7 minutes to write and I want that 7 minutes back. I hate Riv and Landin the same way I hate Doritos. I know theyre bad for me but for some reason I keep them around. F*ck Riv, F*ck Landin and F*ck the diabetes they’re some day going to give me.