TNA Impact (Genesis) January 16 & January 23, 2014

Here we are for the Genesis free-per-view. This is week one of the two-week special, and the last big show until Lockdown in March. Here we go.

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We start with Tenay and Taz sending their well wishes to Mae Young’s family. Very classy, TNA. Rockstar Spud is in the ring and he introduces Dixie Carter to the ring. Dixie talks about how AJ now knows what happens when you cross the boss. She introduces Magnus.

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Magnus has both the titles that he won last week. He gives Dixie one of them, saying that she “is a champion of our hearts.” Dixie introduces everyone who helped to collectively murk AJ Styles and his friends last week, which include:

  • The Bromans and DJ Zema
  • Gail Kim and Lei’d Tapa
  • Bad Influence
  • Bobby Roode

Dixie says that these people are the catalysts of change, and the people who helped start the new era of TNA. She introduces her nephew, EC3. EC3 goes to talk, but Sting’s music hits and we see him in the crowd.

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That’s the look of a man about to eat ass. Sting says that Dixie can’t understand that people who have honor can’t be bought. (Partially because those Dixie Carter action figures didn’t sell as well as they thought they would.) He says that he and his friends won’t stop fighting. Out comes James Storm, Gunner, Joseph Park, Eric Young, ODB, and Samoa Joe.

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Everybody fights, and we cut to commercial. Back from break, Spud books a 12-man tag match, and everyone fights again. It’s Joe, Storm, Gunner, Park, Young, and ODB vs. The Bromans, DJ Zema, Bad Influence, and Lei’d Tapa. Eventually, Joe wins the match for his team.

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Backstage, Velvet Sky is talking to Austin Aries about Chris Sabin. I don’t know why she would talk to her boyfriend’s work rival, but whatever. Sabin sees this, and tells Velvet to come to the ring with him, because he’s got a problem.

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I also don’t know why Velvet is wearing the top half of her wrestling gear when she doesn’t have a match, but it does make her boobs look nice, so I won’t complain. Sabin says that Velvet has been selfish. Aries comes out and says that Velvet doesn’t need Sabin because she’s hot. Yes, not because she’s a good wrestler (she isn’t, but just play along), or because he doesn’t treat her well, because she’s hot. Christ. Aries goes on to say how he would want a piece of pigeon pie, and suggests that he and Sabin have another X Division title match, but this time, with Velvet Sky in a cage. She could just stay backstage, but let’s just stick her in a cage, because she’s a woman, and they go in cages, am I right guys? Velvet agrees to do this, and the match is set. Velvet also says that if Sabin loses, she’s dumping him, because everyone is a terrible person here.

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Backstage, Kurt Angle is angry, and looking for Dixie Carter.

Somewhere else backstage, some fat producer (who I later learn is former ECW wrestler Simon Diamond) is talking to a cameraman when Samuel Shaw walks into the building. He tells Samuel to stop focusing on Christy Hemme during his matches, and Samuel goes crazy and beats him up with his own shoe. He stops to smell the guy’s shoe, and I’m losing faith in this angle.

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Thought I was kidding, huh? Elsewhere, EC3 is pumping himself up for his match with Sting when Magnus walks in. He tells EC3 that he was once a nervous rookie, and that if EC3 believes in himself, he could be just like Magnus. Magnus is pretty good at being an overconfident bad guy. Magnus tells him not to let the family down.

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Bully Ray comes out for his No-DQ match against Mr. Anderson. Anderson attacks him before the bell, and they start brawling. Chains, chairs, tables, and guardrails are used. In the end, Anderson goes to light a table on fire, but Bully reverses it and hits a piledriver for the win.

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Backstage, Kurt Angle finds Al Snow in catering (that’s a shocker), and beats him up for lying to him about the emergency last week.

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After a commercial, Kurt comes to the ring and calls out Dixie Carter. Dixie comes out, and Kurt wants to know why she lied about Kurt having a family emergency. Dixie said that if Kurt were there for the main event, he would have done something stupid. She was just protecting him from himself. Kurt says that he’s gonna help Sting in his match once he beats Bobby Roode in the cage match tonight. Dixie decides that Kurt is too unstable to compete tonight, and has him removed by security. Can we call this “Genesis: Beta Version?” All of the good stuff is next week. Security goes to take him away, but Roode comes in and hits an FU on Angle. Yes, I still call it an FU.

Backstage, Jeremy Borash is interviewing Madison Rayne when Gail Kim and Lei’d Tapa attack her. After the break, match, match, match, Madison wins. They really need more Knockouts, because I don’t care about Madison unless she’s shaking her ass.

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Backstage, Dixie Carter is on the phone when ROH’s Eddie Edwards and Davey Richards, the American Wolves come in. She welcomes them to TNA. Yay, the first thing the Wolves do in TNA… is talk. Dixie says that she can’t wait for their tryout match next week, and they look confused. They say that they have contracts already, and give Dixie an envelope. It says that there is a new investor in TNA. Ok.

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EC3 comes out for the main event. Sting comes out. Then, Christy Hemme announces a special guest referee, and I guess I missed something. Rockstar Spud comes out in a bowtie and a ref shirt, so I’m gonna assume he’s the ref. You can guess how this goes, Spud won’t count for Sting until Sting grabs his hand and makes him count, but Magnus pulls Spud out of the ring. Magnus takes off his suit, and he’s got a ref shirt on. EC3 rolls up Sting, and Magnus quick counts him. EC3 wins.

Sting calls out Magnus, and says that he’ll do anything to fight him. He calls Magnus a disgrace to the wrestling business, and he wants a shot at the World Title. Magnus says that he won’t get one because he can’t challenge for the World Title again. Sting insults Magnus’s manhood, and Magnus comes to the ring. He gives Sting the World Title match, but says that if Magnus wins, he’ll tear up Sting’s contract, and Sting will be done. Sting agrees, and the match is on. Next week, Sting vs. Magnus for the World Title.

This was not a good Impact. All the good stuff was moved to next week, and the stuff that happened this week didn’t really matter. I’m gonna hope they pull out all of the stops next week, because if not, this was a huge waste of time.

Now I'll recap Week 2 of Genesis. Week 1 was basically a pre-show, so I’m expecting a big show this week. There’s a World Title match, a World Title briefcase match, an X Division Title match, and a big cage match, so let’s get this started.

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We start backstage with Dixie Carter, Rockstar Spud, and a guy in a suit. Magnus walks up and says that this guy is TNA’s lawyer. He rambles, but the point is that the board of directors (who I didn’t know existed) are not happy with Dixie, so Sting gets a man in his corner for the World Title match tonight. I can’t stand when wrestling makes fake balances to their heel authority figures. Dixie doesn’t have to listen to anyone, she legitimately owns the company. Anyway, Magnus is mad, and he thinks Sting is playing politics with the new investor. He goes to the ring with Spud and EC3 and calls out Sting.

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Sting comes out. Magnus accuses him of politicking, and Sting does his whole “Be A Man” deal. Sting hasn’t done anything good since I’ve started watching wrestling (around mid-2008), at least not anything good enough to be called an icon. They start fighting, and Samoa Joe comes out and clears everyone out. He’s gonna be in Sting’s corner for the main event.

Gunner comes out to defend his Feast or Fired briefcase against James Storm. I watched Alec Baldwin’s scene from Glengarry Glen Ross during this match.

Alec Baldwin is great. Gunner wins. I continue to not care.

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Backstage, Kurt Angle says that if he can’t beat Bobby Roode, he doesn’t deserve to go in the Hall Of Fame.

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Velvet Sky is at her house earlier this week, and she got a present from Chris Sabin. He also wrote a letter asking her to bring the present to the show. The present is…

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It’s a steel pipe, you perverts. The title match is next, Sabin defends the title against Austin Aries.

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Sabin tried to cheat with the pipe he gave Velvet, but there was a teddy bear in the bag. Aries wins the title back with a brainbuster. Kind of a nothing match. It did more for the Sabin/Velvet story than it did for Aries being the champ.

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The Wolves are in a trippy video package. Seriously, there are subliminal messages, camera work, it’s weird. Bottom line, they say the new investor that signed them is coming next week.

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After a commercial, Roode and Angle come out for their cage match. Angle does his “Miss By A Mile” Moonsault. Angle Slams, Roode Bombs, f--k ‘em. They kick out of everything. This is why I hate steel cage matches (at least Kurt Angle’s matches) because things that would kill guys in normal matches, they just shrug off in these matches. It becomes a race out of the cage, but Angle makes it out first. Kurt wins, and can go into the Hall of Fame (whenever he thinks he deserves it). Angle is getting sad to watch at this point. He can still put on good matches with the right people, but this was a slow, boring match.

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Backstage, Rockstar Spud is warming up for his match with Samoa Joe when EC3 comes in. He tries to pump up Spud for his match against Samoa Joe. He calls Spud “The British Dream.” Spud is ready, but EC3 isn’t too sure.

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The Bromans are in the ring. Jesse talks. There’s no airhorns. I don’t care. They talk about hashtags. This is awful. Eric Young shows up and fights them for no reason. Abyss shows up. He beats down all of the Bromans. Why can’t the Wolves do something? TNA is in Glasgow, Scotland next week. That should be fun. Backstage, Angle kisses Sting’s ass in an interview.

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Rockstar Spud vs. Samoa Joe is now. Spud is British Spike Dudley, and I like him for it. Joe destroys him. Joe grabs a mic, and says that anyone who wants to interfere in the World Title match has to go through him. I’ll say it again, rebuilding Samoa Joe to the badass he used to be is a very smart move by TNA.

The World Title match is next, but allow me to bring this up before the match starts, why do people still want to see Sting vs. Undertaker? Sure, it might have been good 12 years ago, but look at those two now. Sting wrestles regularly in a t-shirt, and the Undertaker is too busy screwing Michelle McCool to show up for more than a month. That match would be terrible, and I don’t know why Sting is wasting his time talking to the WWE, because he isn’t going to sign, and we all know it.

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Sting and Magnus wrestle for a little until EC3 comes out. Eventually, things break down to where the Bromans, Bad Influence, and Kurt Angle come out to fight for their respective parties. Eventually, it goes back to one-on-one, but Sting takes out the ref by accident.

<Roode Interferes>

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Bobby Roode comes out and hits Sting with a lariat. Magnus hits the Magnus Driver, Dixie drags Earl Hebner to the ring, and makes him count three. Magnus wins, and Sting is gone. Team Dixie stands tall as we fade out.

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This week was better, but not pay-per-view quality as they kept saying. TNA can’t keep doing these cluster World Title matches, or people won’t take Magnus seriously. Next week, Impact will be live from Glasgow, Scotland. I don’t know how that would work, considering they would have to start the show at 2 AM the next day for it to be live, but I’ll take their word for it. See you next week.