Ever wonder if you were committing a Twitter sin? Fear no more, I have compiled a list of the most annoying/stupid things you could possibly do on Twitter. Some of these things you might not even know you’re doing. Some you might do and you don’t care. Who the hell knows! However, this list could have been longer than just seven sins, but, I would have ended up writing a full blown JK Rowling sized novel with all the idiotic shit you could do on the Twitter Machine. So - sit back, relax, grab a protein shake, and see what sins you should not, under any circumstance, be committing on Twitter.
Admit it, at least once you have committed this heinous Twitter sin - either indirectly or directly. Hell, I even got accused of this sin for just posting some song lyrics and expressing my feelings. Yes, some people do read into Twitter in a little bit too much for their own good … and this is where the problem of Subtweeting lies. “Subtweeting” is defined as “indirectly tweeting something about someone without mentioning their name”. Let me put it to you in a simpler way – if you subtweet, you are a pussy. Man up (or woman up, whatever) and include the person’s twitter handle in your tweet. Stop gossiping, stop talking crap, stop playing games. Let’s all try to pretend and act like adults. If you’re talking behind this person’s back like you’re some sort of tough bitch on Twitter, I think it is only right that the person know so they could defend themselves against your stupidity.
Sadly, not many people have a set or the maturity level to do this, alas, this is why “subtweeting” came to exist in the first place. It’s funny, just about everyone thinks they are tough and mean on Twitter, then you call them out for talking about you, and they end up running away with their tail between their legs. So, next time you go to press that “Tweet” button and it contains subtweet material, think to yourself, “do I want to look like an overgrown child by sending this tweet?”
2. Ass Kissing
I’ll come right out and say it – most men are guilty of the Ass Kissing Twitter sin. Some may not even know they are doing it, but let’s face it, most know exactly what they are doing and what they want from doing it. The most common scenarios go like this – attractive girl tweets a selfie, man tweets back “omg you are so beautiful!!!” Girl tweets about how she had a bad day, man tweets back “keep your head up gorgeous!” I see this happen all the time to the ladies I follow and I’ve had this happen to me. There is nothing wrong with compliments when they are deserved or when it is a close friend/lover/boyfriend/girlfriend/Dean Ambrose giving them to you. When someone tweets me a compliment, I immediately feel awkward, don’t know how to respond, and feel rude if I do not at least say “thank you”. Some girls may feel the same way, so Ass Kissers, while you may think handing out compliments to the various women of twitter is the greatest idea you’ve ever had, it could actually backfire on you.
Some women are actually attention seeking whores, so giving them all these unneeded compliments just boosts their already overinflated egos and does not benefit your erection. You will never see them, kiss them, or bang them – so how does saying “u are so hot!!” to her over and over again help you? It doesn’t. Men of twitter, please stop inflating egos and making some girls feel awkward. Let’s bring the ass kissing down to a minimum and stop committing this sin.
3. Attention Seeking
Now that I have just bashed 85% of the men on Twitter, why not move along to the females? The Attention Seeking sin is a sin most commonly committed by the female race. I get it. Every woman at one point in their life wants to feel like they are cared about, that someone wants them, and they are pretty. What I don’t get is why they can’t shut the computer off, proceed to walk out the front door, and find a person who will give them all three of those things. As a woman, you shouldn’t need five thousand male followers throwing nonsense compliments at you to make you feel “wanted”. That just makes you look like an attention seeking whore. If you spend 75% of your day on Twitter posting 20 selfies and tweeting about how you’re not beautiful so desperate men will say you are beautiful, it’s time to grown the hell up.
Sadly, most of these “girls” (I can’t even call them women) will just end up with egos that are too large from the Ass Kisser (see previous sin). No man will ever be good enough for them and nothing will be able to satisfy their need for attention. Posting one selfie a day is not a bad thing. If you are posting three a day, I would be a bit worried. However, if you go over five a day – you need to back away from the Twitter machine, girl. This sin is not one to be messed around with ladies, because before you know it you’ll be sending pictures to Hunter Moore.
4. Spoiling Television Shows
I think people should go to hell with my friend Chris Benoit for committing this sin. Why in God’s name would you spoil the ending of a television show on Twitter? Believe it or not, there is more than just you living on this planet and some people can’t watch the show at the same time. Nothing depresses me more than trying to avoid The Walking Dead Spoilers, only to log onto Twitter and have it shoved right into my freaking face. I didn’t even shed a single tear during Hershel’s death and ya know why? Because you bitches on the Twitter Machine ruined it for me.
If you want to live tweet a television show, that’s fine and dandy. Live tweet till your little heart is content – however, there is a way to live tweet without revealing every single detail of the show. I shouldn’t have to hide away from Twitter for hours because I don’t want to know what happened on my show. Be considerate, people. How would you feel if you waited all week for a show and then someone spoiled it on you? Don’t lie, you would be upset. Don’t get me wrong, you can tweet “OMG I CANT BELIEVE THAT HAPPENED!” all you want, just don’t tweet that Lexi Grey died in the plane crash and Mark Sloan is dead. Now, excuse me while I wipe the tears coming down my face from that painful memory.
5. Searching Your Name
I still don’t grasp the logic behind why people do this on Twitter. So, you put your name or twitter handle in the search box and you see what comes up. Basically, you are checking to see what other people are saying about you, who didn’t mention you directly. First off, be the better person and not give a single damn what the morons of Twitter have to say about you. Second, if you respond to someone’s tweet about you in which you are not mentioned, you come off looking like a creep and majorly pathetic. No one will take your side if you respond. It will not make you look “cool” for defending your honor. In fact, everyone will probably point at their computer screens and laugh at the fact you actually searched your own name. This is the internet; you should not care about what these people, who have no value in your real life, are saying about you. I’m looking at you, Tyler Breeze.
6. Constantly Being Boring
We can’t live overly exciting lives all of the time, but this you no excuse to commit the sin of tweeting mind numbing tweets all day, every day. I’m talking about stuff that no one in their right mind would want to read day in and day out – “watching television with my mom”, “took the dog for a walk”, “I hate my life”. Yeah, me too, I hate my life after having to read your tweets about your shitty life. The way to gain followers (besides being an attention seeking whore) is to actually have some wit and a sense of humor. The reason why Johnny Landin and Jason Rivera have the followers that they do is because they aren’t tweeting about brushing their teeth every morning, and if they did, they could make it 110 times more entertaining than most people.
Once again, this is the internet. Use those big, descriptive words you hopefully learned by completing high school or college. Be creative, be funny. Don’t be a robot and tell us every night what you had for dinner. No one gives a crap. If you bore the hell out of people, no one will follow your sorry ass, and you’ll turn into that person who begs everyone for a follow. I know the truth hurts, but sinning is worse, so step up and do something about it.
7. Being a Justin Bieber or One Direction Fan
Does this even need an explanation? This is the highest ranked Twitter Sin. Commit this and you’re going straight to the eight circle of hell.
See, I told you, I bet you committed at least one of the Seven Deadly Twitter Sins. You might have even realized you committed two. That’s okay, we could still be friends (unless it’s the 7th one, then we can’t). Just remember, Twitter is supposed to be a place for people to express themselves and their interests in a unique way. Don’t turn into the person who allows social media to control their real life and don’t turn into an overly sensitive little bitch. Use Twitter to its advantage – express your opinions, don’t back down from the masses of morons, and always live tweet Asked with Riv and Landin. I was born to be a Social Media Ambassador, I tell ya.