The English language is constantly changing. I’d say it was evolving but to “evolve” involves progress. Unfortunately as a society we are DEVOLVING and the result is that someone; I don’t know who, maybe rappers (which is sad because with all this commercialized auto-tuned garbage rap’s best days are pretty much behind it), come up with these new words, terms, and phrases that people start adopting that make everyone just sound like a bunch of morons. You can check your Twitter timeline (or whatever social network you choose) and probably find several statuses per day that use some of these words and phrases. I’m going to concentrate on the three main ones that annoy the crap out of me.
“Bae” has become a term of affection that means “Before anyone else.” Unfortunately for all of the dumbasses who have adopted the term it looks like you’re just too lazy to call a person “babe” by one letter. It feels like some asshole who is at 141 characters on a tweet got rid of a B to make something fit. Even if you know the connotations, “Before anyone else” implies there ARE others, meaning the girl is the first, or the bottom bitch, or whatever because you have other girls waiting in the wings and they are all side-chicks or random hoes you screw with along the side – so “before anyone else” just sounds stupid, not to mention if taken literally it’s still just as bad. It means your mother, your father, your kids (if you have them) all are also placed 2nd in terms of importance which makes you a pretty awful human being in the first place. I personally don’t believe in a “before anyone else” unless that anyone is “myself.” Self-preservation is important.
“Bae” when pronounced also reminds me of Michael Bay, so thank you all for reminding me of him and his tendency to take wonderful ideas from the 1980s and 1990s and remake them into horrible ideas in our new era.
If you are actually a fan of Michael Bay, 1) I hate you and 2) you can click to the right to pick up the Transformers Trilogy on Blu-Ray, which in all fairness wasn't TERRIBLE (other than the second one which wasn't even worth using as a coaster)
The bottom line is If this man’s existence doesn’t make you want to stop using “Bae,” I don’t know what does.
“Thot” means “That Hoe Over There.” The problem is it’s used as a derogatory term to call girls.
“You’re a Thot.”
…let’s dissect that, shall we?
“You are a That Hoe Over There.”
…am I the only one that sees the problem with this? Just because it’s an abbreviation doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t make sense when expanded to its full meaning. Take for example, an abbreviation made by white people, “MILF.”
“You’re a MILF.”
Now let’s dissect that.
“You’re a mother I’d like to f---.”
See? Still makes sense in context. Someone cannot actually BE a “thot” because “thot” implies both a person and a place. Therefore you can’t use it as an insult. DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM SAYING TO YOU RIGHT NOW? You probably don’t, which is proof the education system has failed you… or that you come from a family of crack smokers that indulged while pregnant with you.
I see this phrase posted by a lot of picture-posting Twitter accounts, as well as a lot of individual Twitter accounts which have also adopted the phrase and it usually accompanies a photo of some hot celebrity, usually a Melanie Iglesias, or a Jennifer Lawrence.
I guess the phrase implies that since the girl is hot you should marry her. My problem with that is that clearly people don’t understand how marriage works and that it’s a curse and not a blessing. Maybe if they read the article Johnny Landin and I collaborated on entitled “Don’t Get Married,” they would be better off. Anyway, here’s the cliffs notes version of what you need to know.
You BANG hot chicks. When you “WIFE” a woman the vast majority of the time you have to put up with her getting fatter, uglier, and you are dealing with way more than sexuality – you’re dealing with her on a different level and dealing with her personality flaws and problems.
Don’t get me wrong. Jennifer Lawrence is hot and I’d totally smash. But do I want a WIFE? Someone to nag me, and complain to me or not have sex with me? Do I really want to hear about Jennifer Lawrence’s beliefs that we should be super-nice to everyone and that anyone who calls someone fat belongs in jail? In the words of the great Al Bundy:
Admire her, ogle her, fap to her bang her, but don’t wife her. “Wifing” her is a stupid idea. On a side note it amazes me that there are idiots on Twitter that say “wife her” in response to the likes of someone like Miley Cyrus, the most hideous creature walking the earth. The only person I hope would wife Miley Cyrus is this guy:
Anyway, this has been a short list of phrases that irritate and annoy me. Of course there are plenty more such as "YOLO" and "swag," which I left out. But I want to know what yours are and why, so feel free to use the comment form below and share with us the things that drive YOU crazy when people say them. As society continues to devolve and horrible rappers and entertainers continue to attempt to invent words that make everyone sound like morons, I am sure I will write several more installments of this article in the future.