At almost 24 years old, I always feel like I am the last of a dying breed. Everyone around me is either getting into relationships, getting married, or popping out evil spawn. I’m not participating in any of these major life-alerting practices, nor do I wish to (I’m in a serious relationship with my gym). But, as I scroll through my Facebook feed and discover another moronic person is “in a relationship with so-and-so”, my messed up brain is not happy for them, but in fact, wondering how long it will last. Why? Because, most of you don’t realize what simple mistakes you make while you’re in a relationship. Don’t take it personally; sometimes you just need swift kick in the ass to realize what stupid and annoying shit you’re constantly doing. That’s where I come in. I’m here to help you better yourself and your relationship … hopefully; I’m not a miracle worker.
1. Airing Your Laundry on Social Media
The number one cause of relationships failing miserably in today’s society is social media. Think about it. We live in a world where people post just about every little minuscule detail about their life to the internet. When they get into a relationship with another human being, I always see the posts double or even triple. If you’re in a relationship, it’s okay to make it “Facebook official”, but it is not okay to post ten thousand statuses a day about this person, what you are doing, or how much you “love” them. You are basically taking your relationship and hanging it out to dry for everyone around to see. You wouldn’t want your disgusting underwear hanging outside on the line to dry, so why would you do the same with a relationship?
Today, people forget that a relationship is supposed to be sacred. It is supposed to be just between two people – not the billions of people who are on social media. They can see every tweet, picture, and Facebook status you put out there. So, when you make one post about your girlfriend/boyfriend doing something “wrong” or even allude to trouble in paradise – it automatically turns into a shitstorm. People will come crawling out of the rock they are living under to get involved in your drama. So listen up - do not post much of anything about your relationship on social media, dummies. We know you are proud you have acquired a mate and it was probably a hard task to accomplish – but don’t ruin it by telling everyone what you two are doing every god forsaken chance you get.
Do yourselves a favor and follow this wonderful piece of advice – “I want a relationship where they know of us, but not about us.”
2. Becoming “One”
This is the scariest thing I see people who are in a relationship doing. They somehow merge together into this one horribly mutated person. The two people in the relationship no longer have separate interests, for they somehow just like everything the other person likes. The two people no longer have friends of their own, for they are too busy hanging out with each other constantly. This scary, merged person even sometimes has a joint Facebook account. That’s when you know that relationship is pretty much straight out of a horror story. It sends shivers down my spine just thinking about this monstrosity of a shared Facebook account.
When you get into a relationship, chances are you do not like everything the other person likes. That is downright impossible (unless you somehow found the technology to make an exact opposite sex clone of yourself).You both have different interests, friends, and priorities. I don’t expect my future boyfriend to watch an excruciatingly long three hour Raw with me, nor do I hope he expects me to watch that appalling thing they call “Football”, because I would never put myself through that shit. Part of a relationship is learning to deal with your differences and accepting that you two cannot be the same person. Do not become so wrapped up in each other that you start to lose sense of who you are. Don’t ignore your friends, don’t ignore your interests, and don’t force yourself to like things because your other half likes them. Be you, for god sakes. Nothing annoys me more than when women get into a relationship and hop on the “sports team bandwagon”. It’s gross. Go hang out with your friends or get a mani/pedi when he’s watching some stupid sport. You don’t have to be up each other’s asses all day, every day.
Stop it. Stop merging into this creepy creature that lacks individuality and common sense. It’s a massive relationship mistake.
3. Extreme Texting
I can’t stress this one enough. A lot of people I know just take this way too far when they finally match up with another human being. Put down the phone, stop texting them all the freaking time, and get a life. Just because you have given the title of “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” to someone in your life, does not mean they are entitled to answer every single one of your text messages in two seconds flat. That is not the way life works. Most people these days (I stress the word “most”), work eight or more hours in a day, run errands, go to the gym, have other personal things they need to take care of. They cannot be expected to pick up the phone and just talk to you any minute of the day. It’s irritating when anyone checks their phone after being insanely busy and discover five unread messages from the same person – even more aggravating if it is your significant other.
Why are you texting each other so much? There is nothing wrong with a simple “good morning” or “hope work is going well” text message during the day, but it makes you look insecure about your relationship if you must constantly know where this person is and what they are doing. It also makes you look extremely selfish. You cannot expect someone to answer you right away when life is demanding for the other person. If you are in a relationship, you should know this person already cares about you deeply – so put down the phone, stop texting them 24/7, and let your boyfriend/girlfriend relax and finish their day. Because guess what? When they are done running around after a stressful day, you’ll be the person they will want to talk to. However, if you text to no end during the day, you just add to the stress and become a huge pain in the ass. Don’t be an annoyance; you want your mate to come running to you after a long day – not running from you.
4. Step Away From Each Other
When you first enter a relationship, there is sometimes that beginning stage I like to call the “Honeymoon Stage”. During this stage, you two probably have a serious case of “puppy love” and are living in pure bliss. You want nothing more than to spend every waking moment with this person. Give it a few months, the “Honeymoon Stage” will eventually fade away and you’re left with a real relationship - one that probably will take some effort to maintain. Want to know why some relationships just don’t work out?
You’re spending too much time with each other.
In the beginning, you have no problem hanging out with each other any chance you get. This is because you two are still learning all there is to know about one another (or having sex constantly, that’s an added bonus). When those first six months are up, or you get into your first little fight, you realize that spending all your time with this person is not the best idea. Like I said before, you don’t want to end up “merging”, so back off from one another, and give each other the space you both rightfully deserve. Everyone needs their time to de-stress, relax, and do the things that interest them. I’m positive your boyfriend/girlfriend would be okay with the fact you want some down time. If they are not okay with this, you have what we call a “clinger”, and it is time to seriously evaluate your relationship.
The way to maintain a strong, healthy relationship is still being able to be yourself. This is important. Just because you are Facebook official or bang every night does not mean you are entitled to spend every waking moment surrounded by this person. Be your own person, do your own shit, and both of you will appreciate each other more.
5. Call It Quits, Please
This has to be the most annoying thing people do in relationships. For some god unknown reason, they think they must stay with this one person, no matter how much it has turned into a relation-“shit”. Why? There is going to come a point in every relationship where you realize that it is just not meant to be. It happens at random. No one could predict when this moment will come. Does it hurt? Yes. But who wants to stay in a pointless relationship? I get it, maybe the sex is fantastic. Maybe you do “love” that person more than anything in the world. Feelings might not be shared, however. So please, for the love of God, do not under any circumstances stay in your relationship if you know it’s not worth it.
I’ve been in this situation. I’ve stayed in various relationships when I knew it was not worth the effort I was putting in. Trust me; you are much better getting your ass out of there as soon as you can before you end up with a Stephanie McMahon/Triple H fiasco of 2002. Don’t be a wimp about it, either. You need to grow some balls, sit down with your boyfriend/girlfriend, and tell them how you feel. No text messages, no emails, no phone calls. Face to face conversation will only do in this type of situation. I’m not saying it will be the easiest thing you’ll do – it won’t be – but just freaking be an adult about it. You’ll feel much better when it’s done, even though you might mourn the loss of your sex life.
I can’t stress this enough – if you know your relationship is unhealthy, there is a lack of commitment, or you just can’t stand the freaking person – end it. I don’t get why people would want to put themselves through the physical and emotional pain of an atrocious relationship. There is plenty of god damn fish in the puddle, people.
Now, that wasn’t too bad. I tried to keep it simple and blunt for all of you out there to understand. I don’t condone getting into relation-“shits” at all, but if you happen to find one person who you truly care for and will put out for you consistently, by all means, give it a shot. Nothing wrong with some sex every once and while (and I guess someone caring for you, too). Seriously, I just hope you take everything I say in stride. Don’t be annoying; don’t expect your partner to make your life their life. It won’t work that way. You need to learn to give and take in these strange, weird life practices. But please, just don’t have your relationship constantly taking over my Facebook news feed. I see enough pictures of ugly babies and gross people kissing on a daily basis to last me until they throw me six feet under.