This is one of two new features I had been planning for the site, the other being From the Mind of Riv, which are YouTube videos where I discuss topics that seem to be recurring themes on the Asked podcast. Basically I’ve tried doing audio blogs, and video blogs, but when it comes to sharing what’s going on behind the scenes or what’s going on in real life with me, it doesn’t work because I go right into Riv mode and start doing things the way I would on the show. Writing is probably superior for the reality based aspects of what I want to share in personal blogs.
I had been putting off doing site work the past few days – truth be told, I just wasn’t feeling in the mood to do it. I think I’ve been despondent lately. Maybe it is the change of the weather as we head into the fall (which has made me sick, by the way, and hopefully I’m better by Wednesday since it seems to be throat related which would put a damper on doing a podcast). I don’t know why I haven’t. Maybe it’s the lack of variety or inspiration or motivation. When I’m under a lot of stress, or feeling rotten, it’s difficult for me to write, or do any work on any of my projects. And lately that feeling of being alone has been intensified. I guess it shows how much I still miss my father since his passing. He was a constant in my life, and while I’m good with computers and machines, he was good with… everything else. The problem is without him I feel like I have an infinite number of responsibilities, issues, and problems to take care of both personally and professionally. And there’s not much of a contrast from that. I’m not having enough fun when I’m not busting my ass to take care of business so the result is I find myself just feeling empty. I can’t and don’t have anyone really to confide in. People are in their own little worlds. They are busy. And my mother is so stuck in the grieving phase that any attempts to really talk to her for a prolonged period end up depressing right now. To say “I am a lone wolf” is an understatement these days. That much time in my own head isn’t good. I know that I can slip into a debilitating form of depression very easily; my father’s entire side of the family has suffered from it.
One thing that does get my mind off of it all is retail therapy. I enjoy new tech to the point sometimes I wonder if I’m a rich person’s mind living with a poor person’s wallet. If it’s better than the tech I have at home, I probably want it. It’s really hard not to break out the credit cards, which is probably why I have credit card debt the way that I do.
I picked up a Solid State Drive (SSD) at Best Buy due to the fact the price of such things is going down dramatically and replaced my hard drive with it. If you’re intelligent enough to replace your computer’s hard drive and haven’t yet, you should do so. Everything in your computer, every program, game, etc. will run 10 times faster, and SSDs are more reliable and less prone to crashes than hard drives. I initially questioned my decision to “spend money” on a SSD and then after a day of using the hard drive that I had replaced with an SSD, the hard drive crashed.
In other words if I hadn’t bought the SSD when I did my hard drive would have likely stopped working anyway and I would still be sitting here re-downloading and transferring and re-installing all my files, programs, games, and the like. I guess sometimes the unseen forces of the world ARE actually on my side (although not often). I also decided to take the plunge to the “latest and greatest” and show my “fuck your stupid iPhone” pride by pre-ordering the Samsung Galaxy Note 4 after seeing one in action on display.
Fortunately for me, I haven’t had the Note 3 long at all and T-Mobile has one of the best upgrade policies in the world. A lot of people scoff at T-Mobile but I think those people are people who had them five years ago – when a company puts new antennae all over the country, gives you a wireless router that optimizes your Wi-Fi calling FOR FREE, puts free data for life on any tablet purchased by them, and has such an easygoing upgrade plan, I have to say they’re definitely making good strides. Not to mention now they let you try them for 7 days to see if you like them better than your current phone services. I also picked up some other little trinkets like a new wireless keyboard when I want to play computer games on my television (I already use a wireless mouse), and a few new nice t-shirts. Seriously, retail therapy helps. The problem is I live in a world of responsibilities, bills, and credit card debts. I really need to pay those down and once I do, I’ll reward myself with something great. That’s what I tell myself. I need to control my impulses better, but to do that I need more fun, but to have more fun I need more people around, and the problem is when you’re old as fuck, you kind of stop making friends and all your existing friends are in serious relationships or married or going to be married soon, or whatever. It’s always an uphill battle and the hill is steep.
One thing that would help is donations to the site (PayPal: firstname.lastname@example.org) – and I mention them a lot. That’s because ideally I would like to break even on the expenses for the site, the show, etc. I’m often racking my brain trying to figure out if there’s any way to get some of the things we do here for the price of “cheaper” or “free.” Unfortunately there really isn’t. And I don’t feel bad asking for donations when I see all these unfunny uncharismatic YouTubers or video game streamers who get money practically thrown at them. A South Park episode a few weeks back made jokes about how people these days just get to sit on the Internet and “do nothing” and get paid and I think “damn, I want some of that.” Why the hell am I the only guy on the Internet doing projects and NOT getting paid? I think a lot of it is due to the fact people dislike me and my “online presence” immensely. People don’t even know why they hate me – they just do. I’ve noticed that. And I’ve noticed that it’s become more the norm these days. It’s the “FUCK RIV 2014” campaign. At least if I don’t like someone I’ll be up-front about it and I typically have a good reason and I let them KNOW why I dislike them. I’m not a “talks under my breath” guy but oddly enough I think that’s the reason I rub people the wrong way. I’m very upfront. I’m very blunt. I’m very honest. I’m to the point. I don’t mince words. I don’t beat around the bush. And I don’t apologize. It feels like to be anybody anymore you have to be someone who apologizes every five minutes and cares about stupid causes. Wow, do you guys all pee sitting down or what? Anyway, I may never get big or famous or whatever with my projects due to the fact my pheromones seem to attract immense hatred instead of women but the bottom line is I will continue to do my projects because they are enjoyable to me (sometimes) and that is what counts.
Speaking of projects and fun/not fun, I have recently taken a sabbatical from recapping WWE on this site if you have not noticed. Truth be told it becomes a chore to recap consistently every week on a show that doesn’t take time off, and with wrestling it’s easier for me to watch and enjoy it when I’m NOT recapping, especially during football season where the show tends to be inconsistent and wishy-washy. I still however will be live-tweeting RAW on the AskedShow account which is the closest thing to a recap you’re going to get from me for a few months. Usually I take October, November, and December off – so basically the 4th quarter of the year. Sometimes I wish I could take a break from everything and hit a giant pause button and make the world stop while I get to relax but things don’t really work that way unless you’re Quicksilver from the X-Men, which I am not. Although at the rate I’m going I’m going to end up with gray hair like that guy and that would suck. Anyway, thank you for reading my rambling and venting and be sure to continue to support all of the other projects that I’m a part of, whether it’s on the site, the show, the forums, or my video game streams.