Once again it is time to bring back another article from the JasonRivera.com archives. This time we go back to 2005 where myself and Ninja Marion (follow him on @NinjaMarion on Twitter) delved into the ugly side of cosplay and found some of the worst, least visually appealing cosplayers we could and "critiqued" their attires...
...oh who the hell am I kidding? We dissed, bashed, and buried them. There's nothing "constructive" about our criticism. Now in the 9 years its been since this article was originally posted Marion has grown a soul and wants all of you to know this was a dark period in his life, he was angry and hateful towards women at that time, and that's why he wrote some of the things he did.
I personally have no such excuse; I was just a dick. I'm still a dick. So if you have hatred towards the article, Marion has already repented and you can direct all of your hate towards me, because all I'm going to do is laugh at you. Anyway, we have an upcoming guest on Asked with Riv & Landin that has a vested interest in cosplay so I figured now might be the time to bring back one of two cosplay articles. Check back next week for a not-so-nice sequel article (which Marion had nothing to do with).
Cosplay (コスプレ) is a Japanese subculture centered on dressing as characters from manga, anime and video games, and, less commonly, live action television shows, movies or Japanese pop music bands.
The term cosplay (pronounced kosupure in Japanese) is a contraction combining the words "costume" and "play" which accurately describes the hobby of having fun by dressing up as one’s favorite characters. Besides dressing up for public events such as video game shows, there are dedicated cosplay parties, some very large, at nightclubs or amusement parks. Also it is not unusual for teens in Japan to gather with like-minded friends just to do cosplay. Since 1998 in Tokyo Akihabara district there is a large number of cosplay cafes, catering to otaku - anime and cosplay fans. The waitresses there dress as game or anime characters. Maid costumes are particularly popular.
Cosplay has spread across the world in recent years, joining with costuming at science fiction conventions in North America and Europe. There are some differences between cosplay and costuming in the United States and Europe, and in Japan. Firstly that in Japan cosplayers typically dress up as characters from anime, manga or video games, as compared to dressing up as Star Trek characters or in Renaissance-era costumes. Secondly, the age of cosplayers in Japan tends to start lower and range wider, with a great number of teen cosplayers dressing up as characters from currently popular weekly comics aimed at their age group, and older cosplayers often portraying "classic" characters.
A recent trend at Japanese cosplay events is an increase in the popularity of non-Japanese fantasy and science fiction movie characters. This is due to the international success of such films as The Matrix, Lord of the Rings, and Harry Potter, in particular with female fans in Japan. Another growing trend at cosplay’s largest event, the Tokyo Game Show 2004, was "cross-play" (cross-dressing cosplay).
That said, cosplay is kind of considered to be a bit of a dorky hobby reserved for nerds (since 2005 when this article was initially posted, cosplay has become more socially acceptable due to the influx of girls trying to appeal to men by being as "nerdy" as humanly possible). With the rise in popularity of videogames (mainly RPGS) and anime in America, cosplay-mania has spread here. In some cases, this can be pretty sweet as there are plenty of hot chicks like the one you see below:
However in most cases some of the results can be disastrous as since cosplay is sort of a “dorky” hobby you can bet that tons of fat chicks do it as well. However, no videogame or anime character has been more frightening in the cosplay world than Yuna from Final Fantasy X and Final Fantasy X-2.
It’s kinda of sad because Yuna’s character is pretty generic but also very hot in her simplicity. We don’t know what it is about Yuna that makes her so appealing for fat chicks to dress up as; if fat chicks want to cosplay you’d think the middle Magus Sister would be a much more fitting costume, but we’ve narrowed their Yuna obsession down to a few possibilities:
--Yuna has plenty of different outfits to wear, so cosplaying as her is easy due to the variety of costumes.
--Tidus, the main male lead in Final Fantasy X, was popular with females and they want to be Yuna so they can imagine having sex with him.
--Maybe they like the thought of incest (just ask Yuna’s cousin “Brother,” who wants to bang her in X-2.)
Regardless, this is our gift to all of you Final Fantasy fans out there… Fat Chicks… Who try to dress like Yuna. Because since Yuna is a High Summoner, it only makes sense that she’d summon ugly fearsome beasts like the ones you are about to see:
Double the pleasure, double the....blech. The Native Americans always used every part of the animals they hunted. These two look like they eat every part of the animals they hunt.
You have to love costumes that were probably made up of crap that someone had laying around in their closet and tried to ooze their fat asses into. To quote JasonRivera.com alumni Steve Jeffery: "That costume may have cost $15, but it wasn’t worth the damage to my eyesight."
This one is really round and robust and just not cut out for Yuna… she should have cosplayed as Final Fantasy IX’s Quina instead. It would have been a lot more appropriate. You should dress for your body type. I don't have abs so I would not walk around dressed like one of the Spartans from the movie 300. If you're a big burly girl you should probably not try to compress 300 lbs. into 100 lbs. unless you plan to spend 3 months developing an eating disorder to drop the weight.
Black Yunas don’t look right. At all. She may have become a criminal in the game, but it wasn’t for jackin' some foo’s ride and bustin’ a cap in Big Smoke. I do have to admit its hilarious that all the white parts of Yuna's costume are brown in this one. The NAACP would be proud.
I’d play “Where’s Yuna” with this picture, but she’s so fat you can’t miss her. Maybe she should have been a matching sumo for that kid in the middle of the photo. I guess she’s hoping no one will notice she’s fat and ugly as long as there’s some dork dressed like a Red Mage in the room.
What’s worse than one fat chick? Her. I can’t even begin to say enough bad about this picture, so I'll leave it at the thought that she looks like she sweats gravy. This photo pre-dated Instagram so jumbling all your photos together in a collage was either really arrogant or just really annoying.
There’s just nothing I can say about this one. It should be apparent and disturbing enough without words.
You know that song about her “milkshake bringing all the boys to the yard?” Well an ass like that makes them run – in terror.
The girl on the right isn't fat but to borrow the words from Lemmy Cake, "Oh My! This lady looks like a meerkat." Unfortunately for her, it looks like her fat friend in the photo with her eats meerkats. She even seems to have made hair braids out of candy corn to ensure herself a desert.
Remember the dance scene at the end of Napoleon Dynamite? This girl looks like she's about to do that on stage but if she does, she's going to cause tremors that will send California back into the ocean. As fat and disgusting as she is, and as much as she doesn’t belong on a dance floor, if she’s been practicing D-Kwon’s Dance Moves, maybe she can help her Mexican friend become Class President, and speaking of Mexicans…
Man, I love it when a cosplayer stays true to the work they're portraying. I mean, I loved the part when Yuna got a skanky tat on her flabby arm and looked like she should be sucking off migrant workers for pesos. That was awesome! She gets a 0/10 for her Yuna but a 10/10 for her Conseula from Family Guy.
She should take the gun and perform a real magic trick by shooting herself in the head. Honestly why even try when you look like this?
The worst part is the symbol on her chest draws attention the more you try to look away from it… Of course her chest isn't really where her chest should be, is it? One breast is off to the extreme left and one is off to the extreme right.
Material for Summoner’s Robes - $35. Purse to keep your twinkies in - $20 on sale. Knowing that you'll win the cosplay convention’s neckfat competition - Priceless....
Fatty sandwich. What did Snake ever do to deserve that?
She’s Tidus AND she’s Yuna. The answer is simple then, she should go f--- herself. At least I think she's wearing both costumes. I'm not sure if that's a Tidus costume or just a random ugly lesbian that has photobombed this picture.
Wow, Yuna is into cosplay herself, as here you see the High Summoner has decided to dress like DK? What? That’s a black chick dressed like Yuna? Ohhh… my apologies. Just kidding. I can’t apologize for the fact that YOU are ugly.
This is why you should never cosplay on an empty stom...ok, there’s no way in hell that’s empty; This is why you should never cosplay while hungry, as it tends to ruin your photos when you're glancing off to look for cats and other small, edible objects.
Anything to draw attention AWAY from your face and body. Speaking of "staves" I don't think my "staff" will ever work properly again. Yuck!
The best part of this one is that since she’s a white mage all that fat is covered up with a robe. At least she had the right idea. Now if she could just cover up the face we'd be good to go!
This one just made a cardboard or cloth or something cover for her tits with Yuna’s symbol. She should have gotten the same idea for her face and put a brown paper bag over it.
Being ugly and having a stupid look on your face does not differentiate you from normal Yunas. Having an eyebrow that puts the moustache of Tom Selleck to shame, however, does.
I’m guessing with how red her face is that someone slapped her across the face for being ugly right before they took this one… They didn’t hit her hard enough in my opinion. Her stomach is bigger than her breasts. How does that even happen?
When a sequel isn’t wanted or needed, it must be another Yuna with sagging tits. If gravity doesn't like your tits, men won't either. Just some advice.
…are the only part of this bitch that aren’t fat and ugly. Too bad teeth aren’t the only thing it takes to make a good Yuna.
If she were really such a great summoner, she’d probably summon herself some clearasil. In the meantime, she’s made due by summoning some extra chins.
I’m just running out of things to say about them. This one is just fat. That is all.
This lovely lady lady thing has the honor of being the only Yuna whose mere presence brings about the Hymn Of The Fayth. Unfortunately it’s the sound of millions of people vomiting the hymn in unison. She’d probably be more suited to cosplaying Sin, as she’s certainly brought pain and sadness to those armbands. Are those checking her blood pressure? They should because with how big she is she might fall over. Hopefully she makes the other fat Yunas vomit because they would do well to develop bulimia.
A fat Yuna Cosplayer sends the dead into the Farplane. I think there needs to be another sending… Her… TO A FAT CAMP.
I really love this cosplayer’s previous work. I hated most of WWE Originals, but loved this Yuna’s outstanding ballad, Put A Little Ass On It. Hell, this Yuna would have no need for guardians or aeons. Sin would have given up like a little girl after one high summoner Stinkface. Wait. What? That’s not Rikishi? It’s a woman? Oh fuck this. I can’t deal with that much ugly. I’m done.
In conclusion we hope this article here on JasonRivera.com (now ListenToThisShow.com) will serve as a lesson to the fat cosplayers out there to not partake in dressing like hot chicks so much because you just ruin it for the rest of us out there, and you probably hurt Yuna’s feelings too…
Don’t cry Yuna, it’s not like Rikku never gets fat chicks dressing like her…