Recap: TNA Impact Wresting (Jan. 9, 2014)

Alright, tonight is a big Impact. Title vs. Title. Champion vs. Champion. Redneck vs. British Guy. AJ Styles vs. Magnus for both titles tonight. Here we go.

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Dixie Carter comes out. Dixie has a one-night contract for AJ. She wants AJ to be beaten and bloodied before she sends him packing. AJ comes out.

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He says that she’s bet against him before, and we saw how that worked at Bound for Glory. He says after this, there are no more Dixieland matches and no more tournaments. He will win, and if there is any interference, he’s got a lot of friends that will help him, too. Dixie says that no one will help AJ because she owns them. She says that she made AJ, and that tonight, she will break him. AJ says that the title never had more respect than when he took it from her. He said that wrestling is about two men fighting to see who the best is, and that Dixie was ruining it. He said that Magnus would see that if he took his head from under her skirt.

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Magnus comes out, angry. He asks Dixie to leave the ring. He says that AJ will never call him a paper champion. He says that AJ wants back in because he wants attention that he wasn’t getting anymore. He says that while AJ had a good run, only one man will have the spotlight tonight, and that man is Magnus. AJ signs the contract, and said that winning the World Title took 11 years of hard work to win the title. He says that no matter what happens, he’s walking out with honor and pride. Very good opening segment. Even Dixie was good in her parts.

After a commercial, Dixie is backstage with Gail Kim and Lady Tapioca. Apparently, Lei’d Tapa has to do something for them. To the ring, the next match will be Joseph Park and Eric Young vs. The Bromans.

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Before the Bromans come out, Dixie talks to them about doing something for her, too. Robbie doesn’t want to do it for some reason, but says he’ll do it after some pushing from Jessie.

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Small note: Zema Ion may be the best-cast character in wrestling. He looks like a generic douchebag DJ. The air horn is awesome, too. Faces take control in the beginning until the big screen shows Lei’d Tapa attacking ODB backstage. EY goes to the back to help her.

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Now, The Bromans take control of Joe Park. Joseph makes a small comeback before Robbie hits a chop block. They hit a Hart Attack for the win. After the match, the Bromans bring a guardrail into the ring and hit another Hart Attack on the guardrail.

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Backstage, Samoa Joe storms into Dixie’s office. Joe tells Dixie that if she plans on screwing AJ out of the match, she’ll have to go through him to do it. Dixie tells Joe that she made him, and that she can break him, too. She puts him in a match against EC3 tonight. I like that Joe has something to do now, even if he is just fodder for Dixie’s cronies. Maybe he’ll get a title shot soon.

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Backstage, Eric Young has ODB in his arms (How strong is EY?) on his way to leave when he runs into Sting. Sting knows Dixie had something to do with it.

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Meanwhile, James Storm is in the ring. Storm wants to settle things with Gunner. Storm says that to be a good team, men have to check their egos. He says that the World Title tears teams apart. It happened with America’s Most Wanted, it happened with Beer Money, and Gunner is letting it happen to them with the Feast or Fired briefcase.

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Gunner talks. Gunner doesn’t deserve to be listened to. Storm has a suggestion. He says to hang the briefcase up again, and they’ll fight to get it. Gunner accepts the match. I’m assuming that this match will happen at Genesis. Backstage, EC3 is attacking Samoa Joe before their match. He drags him to the ring as we go to commercial. After the break, they’re fighting on the stage, but they eventually get to the ring. It’s a short match. Joe is about to go for the Muscle Buster, but Spud grabs Joe’s feet. Joe grabs Spud on the outside, but EC3 hits Joe in the back with a wrench… for a DQ? Doesn’t that mess up the undefeated streak?  Tenay quickly covers it up by saying that the ref threw the match out. Undefeated streak of EC3 intact.

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EC3 hits Joe’s knee with a wrench. This is making sense now. All of AJ’s allies are being taken out. In the words of EC3, “Looks like I threw a little wrench in your plans.” Backstage, Jeremy Borash is interviewing Kurt Angle. Angle is having a Steel Cage Open Challenge tonight. He says that whoever is challenging him tonight, all he’ll see is Bobby Roode. After a commercial, a doctor is telling Samoa Joe that he needs to go to the hospital.

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Sting is still walking around backstage. He finds two dead rednecks on the ground. No, it’s just Storm and Gunner. Maybe it was a Romeo + Juliet thing. Maybe Gunner knocked himself out with a beer bottle, and Storm felt so bad that he knocked himself out. Probably not. Those two probably think books are for queers. Anyway, Sting finds Dixie Carter and asks her how she could go so far as to basically put a hit out on all of AJ’s allies.

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Dixie says that she will stop this when AJ is carted out of here. She puts Sting in a match tonight. Sting tells her that a match won’t stop him from doing what he needs to do. Dixie says maybe it won’t, but as far as she’s concerned, this conversation is done.

Kurt Angle comes out. His steel cage open challenge is now. Out comes…

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Bobby Roode comes out. He has a mic, and talks about the cage match at Genesis. Bobby has found two men that hate Angle as much as Roode does. It’s Bad Influence. So, it’s Angle vs. both members of Bad Influence in the cage tonight. And since Kurt Angle is Zeus in the pro wrestling world, he just wins. Basic Booking 101 says that Roode helps Bad Influence win the match, so Angle can get his final revenge in the cage and win. But, this angle isn’t the big focus of tonight, so whatever.

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Backstage, Dixie is on the phone, telling someone to leave the cage up, when Bobby Roode comes in. Dixie tells Roode that he’s wrestling Sting tonight in a cage. Roode freaks out, but Dixie calms him down, and tells him that if he takes care of her, she’ll take care of him. With the cage match, you perverts.

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In the parking lot, Kurt Angle is with some Make-A-Wish family. I’d ask how many kids he has, but the kids are all black. Then, Al Snow drives up and says that there’s some emergency going on, and that he needs to go. Angle leaves with him. Up next is Sting vs. Bobby Roode in another cage match. Sting gets momentum, throws Roode into the cage a few times, couple Stinger Splashes. Roode rakes the eyes, goes for the Death Valley Driver. Sting reverses with the Scorpion Deathdrop. Sting puts on the Scorpion Deathlock. EC3 and Spud come out to help Roode. Spud hands Roode a baton, Roode hits Sting with it a few times. One, two, three. Roode wins.

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Earlier today, the Creeper Cam is with Ken Anderson. He says that he’s ready to lay this to rest with Bully Ray. He walks into a funeral home.

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Anderson walks in and sees Bully sitting in a pew. Bully talks about how Ken took everything from him. He wants his loneliness to encompass Anderson. Bully says that Genesis will be the end for Anderson. He tells Anderson that he has something for Anderson in the casket. Anderson gets it, turns around, and Bully is gone. Anderson has baby blankets. I guess it’s to build the family thing. I’m not really digging this Bully thing. He’s better at being a loudmouth than he is at being a bootleg Raven.

Dixie is backstage when Sting walks in. He says that not a pipe, not anything will keep him from helping AJ. Dixie brings up the fact that Sting’s contract is running out, and that Dixie can sweeten the deal for him. She plants seeds of doubt in Sting’s head, asking him if he thinks AJ would do the same for him. Dixie has been really good tonight.

The announcers run down the Genesis card for next week (and from what I found out later, the week after that). It looks like this.

  • Sting vs. EC3
  • Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson
  • Cage Match: Kurt Angle vs. Bobby Roode
  • Knockouts Title Match: Gail Kim (c.) vs. Madison Rayne
  • Feast or Fired Briefcase Match: James Storm vs. Gunner

I’ll give it to TNA, they have done a good job at building these matches. Now, it’s main event time. AJ vs. Magnus in a no-DQ, World Title match.

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Before they lock up, EC3 and Spud come out to beat down AJ. There’s no way I’m gonna be able to recap this match, luckily for me, TNA uploaded the whole match on Youtube.

There it is. Magnus wins/retains the title without performing one offensive maneuver. Impact goes off the air with Magnus and Dixie celebrating over AJ’s fallen body.

Final thoughts: That main event was a big clusterf--k, but at least there was a storyline reason for it being like that. Dixie had her title taken from her by a redneck, and she somehow got him under a one-day contract. This showed how desperate she was to get the title back, by doing everything short of shooting AJ in the face. This Impact was a well-told, one-night story that may lead to something else, depending on if AJ Styles ever decides to re-sign with TNA. Next week is Genesis, and it’s live, so that should be another good Impact.