Life Without JasonRivera.com: Day 09

 

Writing another one of these blogs, because I did say I was going to try to fill this new site with some content, and some of it is going to be very different from the norm, such as a more in-depth look at the inner workings of Riv. Some may like it. Some may not, but whatever.

It’s been 9 days since I closed down my site.  Still feels awkward starting over from scratch and the downloads/hit-rate isn’t where it used to be but let’s be honest, most of the people who stumbled across JasonRivera.com were looking for things like Chyna’s adult video or some of the other weird, twisted stuff that I’ve written.  Do I really want to go down in history as the “guy who reviewed the Chyna/X-Pac tape?”  I have a lot more to offer.  By the way for those wondering, Curtis is alive and well.  As you can see, he’s behind me playing Grand Theft Auto V.

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Don’t ask me how I found him because with his lack of a phone that’s activated for more than three days at a time I might as well resort to carrier pigeons to contact him.  Anyway, it’s a stormy day and good for chilling with friends, playing GTA V, and watching This Is the End.  Funny movie, if you haven’t seen it.  The guys in that film hadn’t put out anything that I truly found funny in a few years, so it was good to see them back to a bit more of an offensive, kind of out-there comedy film.  Still there are also things to do today thanks to the fall getting here.  I somewhat am disappointed in the early fall in Atlanta.  Usually it stays hot for longer, and I wish it had this year especially because it rained most of the summer which cut into my swim time.  I swim laps because due to a prior back injury it’s probably the best thing I can do for my body.  It’s also stress relieving although this this summer was nothing but stress due to changes at home, changes at work, changes on everything – hell, this site I’m currently posting on is a change, too.  As I get older I go through changes too – not in personality, because I’m consistent about being me but in the fact that I’m older than I look, older than I feel, and sometimes that’s scary in a sand-ticking-out-of-the-hourglass sort of way.  I feel disconnected from most things and people except when I’m doing my writing, or doing the show.  Truth is that’s because there are few people I have unwavering trust in.  It’s just how I’m wired after several major betrayals in my life.  I think the nature of people in these days is only to keep you around until you outlive your usefulness to them which is a tactic we have learned from so many years worshipping the villains, and replacing true heroes with anti-heroes.  Nobody does the right thing anymore.  The bottom line you need to understand about the world is that “everybody is a scumbag in their own special way, even you.”  It’s just the way we are built nowadays.

I think I’m the same in relationships too – I don’t want to get close to people because I cannot trust them, and people give me plenty more reasons not to i.e. the “cryptic relationship-sounding sub-tweet that has nothing to do with me,” because it is like “okay then, who DOES that have to do with?”  People are shady, especially chicks.  It is probably better to be alone and jack off until your dying days and probably cheaper.  If we didn’t have sexual needs we’d probably all be alone in this day and age because nobody really seems to like anybody in this day and age, otherwise we wouldn’t play games with each other as a society and we’d get to the point.  Of course the problem is if you’re “too to the point” you come off as clingy and scare people off.  I hate clingy.  I don’t do clingy.  I don’t do drama.  I have no patience to it.  I just want to have a good time with someone I can trust, and continue to do so – but there goes that snag… you can’t trust anyone.

I think that’s one reason I lose myself in my writing, and in the shows I do.  I can count on that.  I can count on it to be my outlet – my therapy.  I can count on people to have a good time with it and enjoy it.  It doesn’t come with the drama tag or doesn’t throw confusing sub-tweet riddles at you.  I’m not ashamed to admit sometimes my projects are all I really have in the world.  Everything else is just me existing, going through motions trying to keep things going – but the show is something different every week so in a lot of ways that’s what keeps me going in a world where most things are complicated, shady and make no sense whatsoever.  Now if you’ll excuse me I have some carjacking to do on X-Box, a pool to cover up, a few beers to drink, and boy bands to insult on Twitter.