Recap: WWE NXT (Sept. 18, 2013)

 Since my recap here on LTS of Monday Night RAW got positive feedback I guess I will go ahead and do NXT as well. Besides, between the fact that NXT is only an hour long, is in what feels like a different universe, and gets talked about and made fun of on Asked quite often, it seems to make a lot of sense.

Not to be mistaken for El Generico. At all.  Seriously.  Nope.  No relation whatsoever.  None.

Not to be mistaken for El Generico. At all.  Seriously.  Nope.  No relation whatsoever.  None.

Sami Zayn is going to kick off the show, and why not? He’s the most popular guy on the NXT roster.  And the chosen one who will one day likely save us from the NXT Title Reign of Terror that is Bo Dallas.

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The commentary team tonight consists of Tom Phillips and Alex Riley.  What the hell happened to Alex Riley’s face and his hair?  He looks like he’s slowly turning into Matt Striker now that he has pretty much replaced Matt Striker.  It’s kind of creepy in a “Single White Female” sort of way. 

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Zayn’s opponent tonight is also the opponent he debuted on NXT television against, Curt Hawkins, whom I forgot chopped all his hair off.  Actually I also forgot Hawkins was still employed. That’s not a slight on Hawkins; I like the guy. He’s a solid talent who has had the misfortune of falling through the cracks in the WWE. I blame his New York Mets tights. I’ve never understood how anyone could like the Mets. Maybe because I was born and raised in the Bronx so I’m automatically a Yankees guy but any New Yorkers that like the Mets are like outer space aliens to me.

Anyway, back to the match. This should be a good opening bout between the two as the commentators decide to use their brains and remember that this was Zayn’s debut match and inform us that Hawkins wants revenge because he was embarrassed by losing to a “rookie talent” when he is an established talent. It always wows me that the crowd will not let the “legend of El Generico” die as they always start the “OLE” chant for Zayn despite the fact that WWE is trying their best to hand the chant over to Primo and Epico. A lot of back and forth, move for move, hold for hold until Hawkins remembers he is bigger than Zayn and scoop slams him to the mat, then attempts to keep the man down. Hawkins now begins attempting to wear Zayn down, following up with some work on the shoulder, a snap-mare and a kick to the back. All Hawkins pin fall attempts are kicked out of at the count of 2. Hawkins shoulder-blocks Zayn down but ends up hit with a dropkick by Zayn who is starting to regain a measure of momentum. Sami Zayn tries to shoulder Hawkins into the midsection only for Hawkins to counter by tossing Zayn into the steel ringpost sending him reeling to the outside. We hit commercials and come back to Hawkins still in control after a vertical suplex and driving a knee into the back of Sami Zayn. Sami again tries to mount offense against the ropes but Hawkins slides underneath to the outside, tripping Zayn and even showboating just a little. The former tag team champion Hawkins now begins to lock in rest-holds. Zayn fights out and fights his way up. They exchange fists and Sami Zayn ends up coming out on top in that war with a series of clotheslines and a dropkick. Zayn kicks Hawkins in the corner and hits a cross-body, then follows with a cover for a 2-count. Sami Zayn then gets hit with a heel kick as he takes too long to follow up. Hawkins almost gets the win but Zayn manages to kick out. Hawkins shows the frustration of not getting the win and follows with the Impaler DDT (old shades of Edgeheads there) but Zayn again kicks out. Hawkins rushes into the corner to get a kick counter by Zayn but Hawkins still dumps Zayn on his head with a new maneuver of some sort and Zayn still kicks out. A frustrated Hawkins takes his gloves off and tosses them in Sami Zayn’s face and slaps him. This sends Zayn into a rage and causes him to unleash a torrent of fists and a running kick to the face of Hawkins followed by his Tornado DDT which scores him the victory in a hard-fought match.

 Excellent match to start off the show. 

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Ugh.  CJ Parker, Xavier Woods, Adrian Neville and Corey Graves will take on Leo Kruger, Tyler Breeze, and the Ascension.  That’s unfortunate as when you put too many NXT guys in one match it becomes a huge mess.  That’s what I predict for later tonight:  a mess.

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Aw yeah, ProSexTips promo! For those not keeping score with my recaps on the previous JasonRivera.com website I’ve often said Aiden English reminds me of the old ProSexTips Twitter account due to the way he looks.  ProSexTips begins singing with a spotlight on him as if he’s starring in a musical.  This is great. 

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If this man isn’t the NXT Champion before the end of 2013, somebody is doing it wrong.  Suddenly Tyler Breeze bumps down to the 2nd best NXT entrance in the company.  The crowd boos the bejesus out of Aiden English which makes this even better.  Unlike most heels that the crowd goes nuts for on NXT they seem to legitimately hate ProSexTips.  I hope he eventually starts telling dirty jokes too.  As a side-note the REAL ProSexTips, Bread Foster will be a guest on an upcoming episode of Asked so stay tuned for that.

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ProSexTips’ opponent is Zangief from Street Fighter II apparently.  They lock up and ProSexTips slaps the taste out of his mouth while Alex Riley begins singing the song Aiden English sang on his way to the ring.  ProSexTips is fired up and actually dominating a match.  It’s about time as he’s basically been a jobber on NXT the entire time it has aired. Aiden English hits Dream Street on his jobber opponent because Ted DiBiase Jr. doesn’t need it anymore now that he has a desk in some other company.

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 After the match Aiden English decides to give an encore because he won.  This is excellent.  I think Aiden English should do this everywhere he goes.  He should sing when he goes to Wal-Mart.  He should sing when he goes to the gas station.  He should sing at people’s funerals.  He should sing right before he has intercourse with a woman.  This guy’s the best.

 

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…ugh.  This guy is the worst.  No more Bo, please.  Bo is another legitimate heel in the regards absolutely nobody likes him.  He’s the kind of guy you want to punch in the face mainly because he looks like he wears Peter Pan costumes and takes little boys home with him. Bo Dallas has words with interviewer Renee Young and tells us he is opening a Bo Dallas hotline.  Yep.  He’s definitely a creep.  He says that the hotline is currently testing in BO-LIVIA.  Yeah, because that’s totally a country that would allow him to diddle little boys with his Captain Hook.   Renee Young asks if Sami Zayn deserves a title match now that he’s beaten an established star in Curt Hawkins.  Bo Dallas says that win has no credibility because he can’t remember the last time Hawkins has even won a match.  He says he has an idea to decide who earns the next shot at him but he has a ribbon cutting ceremony to attend.  I wish he would hang himself on the ribbon. 

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 Next week on NXT Triple H will be out here to fire Dusty Rhodes whom his wife had destroyed on RAW this week.  We’re also told there will be a Tag Team Turmoil match to decide the new #1 contenders for the NXT Tag Titles.

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 Hey everyone – what is Tyler Breeze’s favorite cell phone app?  KIK… because all he does is KICK people!  For some reason the entrance seems way off tonight from its usual flash and flare and I’m not sure if that’s intentional or just that the camera man is slacking.  Breeze does in fact have one of the best entrances on NXT but he really has to start showing that he can do more than throw kicks.

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Here is Leo Kruger looking like a lost piece from the Dudley Collection. 

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And here come Rick Victor and Connor O’Brian looking like World of Warcraft rejects.  You think they all go play Dungeons and Dragons together wearing that?  The Ascension doesn’t have the steam it used to.  That isn’t Rick Victor’s fault so much as that failed and forced singles run while they were trying to figure out what to do about Kenneth Cameron getting fired.  I think that if they had replaced Cameron with Victor sooner this would have been salvaged but it just comes out a little off. 

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I feel like Xavier Woods should have been called up fifty times over by now.  I’ve made the joke that poor Xavier is stuck on NXT until one of the other mid-card black guys gets injured or fired before and that’s a shame because I genuinely think Wood is more charismatic than R-Truth or Kofi Kingston and pretty damn good in the ring. 

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CJ Parker and his hippie gimmick are just a mess.  It doesn’t really seem to be catching anyone’s attention.  You gotta wait until the 1960s are like the 1930s… you know, like with ProSexTips looking like a 1930s guy.  That works.  I guess its favorable to what Parker was doing before, which was absolutely nothing. 

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Corey Graves comes out and I already find myself falling asleep.  There’s just something missing when it comes to him and this odd-couple team with Neville doesn’t work.  I miss Oliver Grey.  At least the two British guys together had some chemistry. 

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The final man is out here, Adrian Neville.  This guy is fantastic.  I miss his older entrance theme as opposed to Generic Jobber Theme #2 he has been given but he’s a good aerialist and excites the crowd and definitely has a solid future ahead.    This was a lot of time for entrances.  

I’m not going to call this match move-for-move because it will have too much going on.  I think I’m just going to play a “What did Tyler Breeze do in this match” mini-game because I am tired of his offense being nothing but punches and kicks.  The crowd chants “We want Breeze” and midway through the match he tags in and immediately tags back out to troll the crowd.  Of course the crowd loves every minute of it.  The match has been typical “work over the black guy” fare in the WWE with Woods being dominated by the other 3 and Tyler Breeze…. Being Tyler Breeze.  I hope if the heels win that Breeze steals the pin-fall after doing absolutely nothing in this match because that would just be hilarious.  He does tag in again during this match. Kick. Punch. Knee. Knee. Pin attempt. Tag out.  I swear the way Tyler throws kicks and punches reminds me of the first stage of Parappa the Rappa on PS One with Chop Chop Master Onion. 

Above: Tyler Breeze’s entire move-set turned into a song. 

After Connor O’Brian hits his finisher, Tyler attempts to do exactly what I had hoped for and steal the pin but CJ Parker kicks out at two and slaps Tyler in the face.  Tyler looks for his tag partners and all of them leave the apron.  Tyler Breeze is now stuck in the ring against four men and gets dropped by Parker’s Palm Strike.  Xavier Woods is tagged in and hits his Eat Defeat finisher as the crowd chants “NOT THE FACE.”  Graves rushes in and chop-blocks Breeze and then tags Neville who hits the Corkscrew 450 and pins Breeze.  That finish was hilarious.  The show ends with the faces celebrating and Tyler Breeze needing to be scooped off of the mat.  This was an NXT episode about more substance than segment and that is perfectly okay because we need a good balance of it to make a good program.  We’re out until next week.