Johnny Landin's Birthday Gift To Riv: AJ Lee.

So it’s almost been a week since Asked Episode 184 with special guest Kevin Gill, and in addition to our guest we had a very special surprise planned for my birthday, according to Johnny Landin.  At first I felt just a sense of dread.  Landin thinks a lot like I think – and that just means that his mind is devious, perverse, and downright unpredictable.  But I was astonished to find out that his special gift to me as an (alleged) phone call from WWE Divas Champion AJ Lee.

#PutItInHerBum

#PutItInHerBum

Now AJ Lee is one of my favorite Divas because she is from the Tri-State Area, Puerto Rican, into nerdy things and despite her diminutive size has a very nice ass. If I could build someone to mate with from the ground up it would look something like AJ Lee.  I also liked her while only 7 people seemed to know who the hell she was on NXT Season 3.  In recent times however, my interest in AJ has gone down, mainly because she’s “the trendy thing to do now,” which leads to her fan base being people like this:

It is impossible to proudly wear an AJ Lee "Love Bites" t-shirt and not look like some kind of mutation from The Hills Have Eyes movies.

It is impossible to proudly wear an AJ Lee "Love Bites" t-shirt and not look like some kind of mutation from The Hills Have Eyes movies.

Fat, ugly chicks, and sweaty neck-beards who probably jerk off more in a day than I do in a month (and if you knew how much I jerk off that’s a lot).  People like that will kill any sort of boner I may have once had for the lovely April Jeanette.  Nevertheless I never look a gift-AJ in the mouth, although I would look a gift-AJ in the ass, but that’s a whole other story.  If you want to hear what went down, click the YouTube clip we’ve prepared below.

Now obviously that wasn’t the real AJ Lee, although even if it was I would probably still talk dirty to her.  There’s this misconception that I am “the nice one” on the show and that misconception is only brought by the fact that since I am running point on the board and asking the questions that I’m not the tripped out one.  The truth of the matter is out of all those perverted Puerto Ricans you hear about, I’m the worst one.  I think Landin was shocked at all the disturbing things I said.  Now as to the identity of the “AJ Lee caller” it was none other than former guest, Mercedes Justine who appeared on episode 168 of our show.

BbEk7sLIYAAg_3Q.jpg

Mercedes was a good sport about the entire segment, making it through all of my highly and explicitly detailed perverted advances, even though she has informed me that now that she knows how depraved I truly am that when she sends me a Christmas card she will make sure NOT to include a return address. But she still ranks as one of my all-time favorite guests, because let’s face it the only thing better than Puerto Rican, nerdy, and with a nice ass is Native American, nerdy, and with a nice ass.  She is also my favorite in the Hottest Asked Female Guest 2013 awards, and my personal vote.  Is she yours?  Be sure to check out the Voting Poll and vote for her if she is!