Walking Dead Season 4: Episode 1 Impressions

I may have a Twitter account but let’s face it: Twitter ruins everything.  Last night we saw the return of AMC’s “The Walking Dead,” which was surrounded by a full weekend of people tweeting non-stop about how wet their panties were that the show was back. Does anyone remember when AMC had pretty much NOTHING in the way of television shows and would show Jack Nicholson in “One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest” over and over and over and over?  Those were the days.

Hey Chief, wanna watch the World Series?

Hey Chief, wanna watch the World Series?

In all seriousness though One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest was awesome so click above, buy it, watch it and then send me your thank you letter with a check attached for a whole lot of money.  Anyway, AMC has struck gold with The Walking Dead, based on Robert Kirkman’s hit comic book series of the same name.

In the Walking Dead Comic Book Series, Carl is a bad-ass instead of a bad child.

In the Walking Dead Comic Book Series, Carl is a bad-ass instead of a bad child.

Now The Walking Dead is a great comic book series and it’s a shame that these morons on Twitter who are obsessed with being nothing more than a couch potato typically don’t read comic books because they think it’s “beneath them” or “childish” but the bottom line is that the comic books are the original subject matter from which the show is based in the vision which the creator of the show wants it to be.  It’s the same with novels as well.  Then again I guess most people are unwashed, near-illiterate, lazy and stupid and need the directors and cameramen to have an imagination FOR them.  You people disgust me.

Back to the point I knew that The Walking Dead was back and while I prefer other forms of the Walking Dead (the novels come to mind and I have yet to pick up the first half of Fall of the Governor, which you can pick up by clicking HERE), I do watch the television series and I dislike spoilers being tweeted all over my social networking timeline.  I don’t watch television on YOUR schedule. I watch it on MINE, which is why I find detailed posting of spoilers to be a total dick move.  You can watch something and tweet about it and be vague instead of attempting to be as detailed as possible in a 140 character tweet.  I did the one thing that allows me to use Twitter without being hit with spoilers:  I set my trending topics to Dnipropetrovsk, Ukraine.

Replace song titles with BRA!

Replace song titles with BRA!

This allowed me to avoid the horrible spoilers that would go all throughout the show until a point at which I could watch it on my own. Everyone had hyped the return up to be something great but when I watched the actual episode, it felt a bit slow, boring, and dry. To be fair, if you’re not on the hype train or not a girl who has some sort of sexual fantasy about Rick, Shane (who is now dead), or Darryl, the Walking Dead is actually pretty boring as a television series. They spent all of the second season of the show  on a farm, and the third season of the showalthough somewhat more action packed, had many lulls in the season and just paled in comparison to the novelized and comic book adaptations of the same story-line, opting to take the “politically correct route” and re-altering the story-line. (In the comic book series, Michonne is captured by the Governor, not Maggie, and unlike Maggie, Michonne is actually raped and beaten daily by the Governor until she gets free and manages to castrate him; obviously the TV show didn’t want to be attacked by feminists and race-card wielding NAACP members so this didn’t happen in the TV series). 

Anyway what I saw in the first episode of Season 4 really wasn’t all that impressive (minor plot details to follow; you’ve been warned so if you don’t want to be spoiled about the first episode stop reading). Instead of sitting on a farm, we’re now sitting on the prison while everyone does boring menial tasks you don’t care about. After a while the suspense of the zombies is lost and becomes “ho-hum another day at the office.”

 

Hey, Hee, Hii, Hoo, pickin' cotton all day! Hey, Hee, Hii, Hoo,  just a-pickin' away!

Hey, Hee, Hii, Hoo, pickin' cotton all day! Hey, Hee, Hii, Hoo,  just a-pickin' away!

Really after a certain point the shock value of zombies fades away, especially to someone like me who was already sick of zombies before “The Walking Dead” became a television show as the market was oversaturated after Resident Evil became huge as a video game.  Whether it’s Resident Evil the video game, Resident Evil the Movie, 28 Days Later, Dawn of the Dead (remake), Land of the Dead, Shaun of the Dead, World War Z, House of the Dead, or video games like Dead Rising, Left for Dead, The Last of Us, or the appearances of zombies in Red Dead Redemption, Call of Duty and other games, the market is oversaturated and quite frankly “zombies are pretty damn boring” at this point, especially if you can’t keep the action moving. A few zombies fall through the ceiling of a building being raided at some point in the show and one guy dies who Beth had seemed to like a lot, leading to an emotional, and somewhat boring “I don’t cry anymore” segment between Daryl and Beth Greene.

 

This looks like the before picture of an Exploited Babysitters adult video.

This looks like the before picture of an Exploited Babysitters adult video.

I wish I could say that 70% of the audience paid attention to how lame and emo Beth sounded with her “oh I don’t have tears anymore” bullshit that probably belongs in white print on a black shirt at Hot Topic somewhere but they were too busy having sexual fantasies about Darryl. Then again with her blank facial expressions and “dear caught in the headlights” eyes Beth really can’t capture a serious moment in this show to save her life.

Yes. We know. Your ovaries. Shut up already.

Yes. We know. Your ovaries. Shut up already.

The only other real incident of note involves Rick running into a dirty unhealthy foreign woman out in the woods claiming she needs help.  Rick warns her it will end badly for her if he is betrayed and after a boring, pointless story about her life that I can’t say I cared even a bit about she attempts to feed him to her zombified husband but when Rick catches on she immediately commits suicide so she can reanimate and “be with him.

Why did only ugly chicks survive the zombie apocalypse?

Why did only ugly chicks survive the zombie apocalypse?

What annoys me about this plot point is that it’s almost the same as what we saw with the Governor and his daughter already.  It’s a recycled plot point that has come up on no less than 3 occasions to anyone with enough brain cells to explore the rest of the Walking Dead universe; living people with zombified relatives they are feeding the living to or keeping around seems to happen all too often to the point the “twist” wasn’t much of a shocker at all and was expected from the minute you realize “if this girl’s husband defended her, why the hell isn’t he here?”

This is why we don't go down on women on their period, gentlemen.

This is why we don't go down on women on their period, gentlemen.

The show ends with some sick McLovin-looking kid who is ill and flaked out of combat practice slipping and falling in the prison shower, slamming his head on the ground, thus dying and reanimating as a zombie in the shower in the dead of night meaning things are about to get really bad really fast because nobody is prepared.  The moral of the story to me as far as the Walking Dead is concerned is that “in a zombie apocalypse where ANYONE can reanimate if they die” you should probably practice the “buddy system.  Seriously, if you just didn’t let anyone go out alone, you’d be fine because one person would be at the ready to put the other one down if they died or reanimated.  It doesn’t matter if you shower, pee, or jerk off, there should be someone nearby at all times armed and ready to take you out.  

All-in-all, the first episode of the Walking Dead was “average at best,” and not really giving me a whole lot that wows me in terms of the rest of the series.  The previews of the upcoming episodes seem to focus less on action and more on people’s emotional problems, which is the same thing that made Season 2 tough for viewers to sit through. …and they want to make A SECOND, ADDITIONAL WALKING DEAD TV SERIES?  Please, no.  I think I will be better off sticking with the Walking Dead Telltale Games Series if I want to see the Walking Dead on my television screen.  Then again I guess I’m in the minority that looks at things objectively instead of gets hyped for everything.  In fact, the only thing I get hyped for is myself when I do Asked with Riv & Landin.  And if you’re not listening to that show every week, why are you even on this website?